Co-worker #1: I promise everyone around here really likes you.
Co-worker #2: OK, but you really have to stop punching me in the face.
1271 Avenue of the Americas
New York, NY
Co-worker #1: I promise everyone around here really likes you.
Co-worker #2: OK, but you really have to stop punching me in the face.
1271 Avenue of the Americas
New York, NY
Cake decorator: It’s because you hit me with the fish!
1 Kent Road
New Milford, Connecticut
Overheard by: Nik
Young office worker: I need some Catholic classes or something. I get all confused about the Bible characters and Jesus.
Manager: Why not go to church? Or maybe when you go to college, they’ll have a Bible study. Lots of kids do that.
Young office worker: I need something before then. I need Jesus for Dummies so I can catch up!
365 West Passaic Street
Rochelle Park, New Jersey
Overheard by: the cubicle right outside
Coworker: Who won the World Cup game?
Supervisor: Ghana beat the U.S.
Coworker: Aw, I wanted the U.S. to win!
Supervisor: Why? The U.S. wins everything. That’s why we have the Olympics.
1145 East 4th Street
Tucson, Arizona
Overheard by: Rasputin
Girl: Yeah, so I have to go buy this see-through tank top and a see-through skirt for tennis. It’s so stupid. And I will have to wear another tank top underneath my see-through tank top and some shorts to cover up my balls–I mean… [laughs really hard]
Career Center
Winston-Salem, North Carolina
Overheard by: not-so-smart asian.
Auditorium worker: …she has shelves full of them. If you visit her she goes on and on about all her Hummels. And for each Hummels she has some goddamn story to go along with it. Bores you to death. That’s why I don’t go over there.
700 Nicollet Mall
Minneapolis, Minnesota
Overheard by: 2qrs
Salesman: Hello, Nicole*.
Receptionist, collapsing on the floor: Oh my god! I’m throwing myself off the building!
8900 Kelso Drive
Baltimore, Maryland
Overheard by: Temporary Receptionist
Worker #1: Your friend came over. She wanted to borrow a screwdriver.
Worker #2: Why, to shut her fucking mouth?
3600 Las Vegas Blvd South
Las Vegas, Nevada
Overheard by: Frank Grimes
Salesman: It’s this whole ‘No Child Left Behind, let’s get all the kids to graduate college’ bullshit. If everybody goes to college, who’s gonna do the work? Huh? Who’s gonna dig the ditches? Who’s gonna pick up the trash? We don’t need that. We need kids to drop out of school and do the work.
Birch Street
Brea, California
Secretary: [The client] keeps calling and asking for me. And you know what? The next time he does that, I’m going to tell him that you lied to him.
Boss: What? Why?
Secretaty: Because you tell him you’re going to do all these things for him, and you don’t!
Boss: That’s because he’s an idiot!
527 West Jefferson Street
Louisville, Kentucky
