General Idiocy

Worker #1: Did you hear about the industrial accident the other day?
Worker #2: No, what happened?
Worker #1: A cable broke and took out his whole left side!
Worker #2: Oh no!
Worker #1: It's okay, he's all right now.

Marysville, Washington

Overheard by: Noah

Customer: How many pieces of chicken are in the 12-piece meal?
Employee: Are you fucking with me?

Thornton, Colorado

Secretary: Hey, I haven’t seen you for a while. You been on vacation?
Associate: No, I’ve been here.
Secretary: I just love running into you. You look just like that guy from Whose Line Is It Anyway. That black guy…What’s his name?
Associate: Oh, really? No one’s ever told me that before.
Secretary: It’s ok, right? Because he’s my favorite.

1425 K Street NW
Washington DC

Overheard by: callmeahab

President: I know that the budget cuts have hit everyone very hard, but we want you to know that we appreciate everyone’s hard work and efforts and we think that you should all take the time to celebrate…er…in your own minds.

3081 Zanker Road
San Jose, California

Engineer, walking through cube farm: Wooo! Wooooooooooooooooooo! Surf's up!

Redondo Beach, California

Overheard by: Trappedinthebasement

Voice on elevator emergency intercom: Hello? Hello?
Confused woman who just got on: Um…..yes?
Voice: Yes, I’m Karen* from American Express. Can I please speak with Shin Chen*?
Woman: Um…No… You just reached an elevator.
Voice: Oh! Well, thank you for using American Express. If you have any questions, please call 1-800-555-1234*. Thanks for using American Express and have a great day!

541 Willamette Street
Eugene, Oregon

Overheard by: the other passenger

Coworker: Yeah, I used to self-diagnose diseases when I studied pathology at uni. Once I thought I had lupus, but turns out I'm just allergic to Garnier facial scrub.

Melbourne
Australia

Overheard by: kerryrosenora

Hick #1: Oh, Frost/Nixon. I wanted to see this.
Hick #2: What's it about?
Hick #1: It's about when Nixon gets assassinated.

Ft. Lauderdale, Florida

Overheard by: I just work here

Navy commander to his three-year old who’s locked herself in the connecting bathroom again: Susie*, open this door at once! I command you!

Visiting officer’s quarters, Tachikawa Air Force base
Tokyo
Japan

Co-Worker #1: Did you happen to grab my printouts, Jason? [long pause] Did you see anything here??
Co-Worker #2: No.
Co-Worker #1: Is this yours? No? It says, “Jason Horowitz.”
Co-Worker #2: My name’s not Jason. It’s Tom*.
Co-Worker #1: Why haven’t you ever corrected me?
Co-Worker #2, shrugging: You just always called me Jason.

3814 Walnut Street
Philadelphia, Pennsylvania

Overheard by: juliloquy