Seven-year-old daughter on speakerphone: I saw a cute mother-daughter necklace at the store. It said “if daughters were flowers I'd still pick you.” See, mom? I'm like a flower! I smell sweet!
Mother: Yeah, and when you die, I'll throw you away.
Pryor, Oklahoma
Overheard by: Danielle
Coworker on phone: I get all my dogs cremated, so they can get buried with me when I die. Yes, I'm taking all mine with me when I go. Yeah, I have a whole cupboard full of dead dogs. My dad's in there, too.
Christchurch
New Zealand
Customer: What movie starts next?
Box office girl: That would be Keeping up with the Steins, at 11:55.
Customer: And what’s that about?
Box office girl: I believe family problems around the time of the kid’s bar mitzvah.
Manager [under her breath]: It’s about Jewish people, duh.
Customer: Two for X-Men, please.
510 North Orlando Avenue
Winter Park, Florida
Woman #1: I’m so upset about my aunt.
Woman #2: I know, but there is nothing you can do now.
Woman #1: It was so sudden. She’s never going to be herself again. I can see it already.
Woman #2: That might be something to be thankful for.
Paramus, New Jersey
Overheard by: Red
19-year-old intern: I’m totally getting laid tonight and I have my dad to thank for it!
State and Water Street
Peoria, Illinois
VP: Do you know I used the words “wiki” and “blog” in a speech yesterday? My kids would be so proud!
Renton, Washington
Mom: The neighbor found out you’re gay.
Daughter: What did she say?
Mom: She doesn’t care. Her son is gay and her daughter’s dating a black guy.
Daughter: What does her daughter dating a black have to do with it?
Mom: Well, I would rather my daughter was a lesbian than date a black guy.
8741 W Saginaw Highway
Lansing, Michigan
Overheard by: barista
Employee filling out sick leave slip: How do you spell “vasectomy”?
Coworker: I can look it up… My mom had one.
Independence, Missouri
Coworker #1: A friend of my wife's maid of honor just got married. They have a live-in girlfriend. Let me say that again. They have a live-in girlfriend. I tell ya, the world's going to hell in a handbasket.
Coworker #2: That's the Three's Company we never got to see!
Dimondale, Michigan
