Lady #1: My dad doesn’t have crabs anymore.
Lady #2: Oh, really?
Lady #1: Yeah, they all died.
Lady #3: Like pet crabs, right? Otherwise that’s a little too much information.
Edmonton
Alberta
Canadia
Overheard by: Who would know that about their dad!?
Teacher: When he came in to register his kids here, he tried to use his arrest report as his proof of address. “Possession with intent to sell,” it said. I told him, “You can’t use that as your proof of address; you need a BGE or a water bill.”
2000 Cecil Avenue
Baltimore, Maryland
White guy: I come from a town of only 400.
Black girl: Whoa! That’s weird. Your town was probably started by a brother and sister or something.
White guy: Actually, there’s not a single brotha or sista in my town.
Black girl: What?
White girl: Oh, God.
Black girl: What do you mean? Is everyone in your town an only child?
White guy: No, there aren’t any brothuhs or sistuhs. You know?
Black girl: I don’t get it.
White girl: That’s probably for the best.
One Park Place
Elmira, New York
Overheard by: Shannon
Shop assistant: Have you got the measurements?
Old woman: My husband put them somewhere safe.
Shop assistant: He can't find them?
Old woman: He died.
(awkward silence)
Shop assistant: I'm sorry.
Old woman: He always was inconsiderate.
Fabric Shop
England
Dev #1: Why would we ever deny the faculty access to Moodle?
Dev #2: We might have always cut the ends off a ham because our mom taught us to.
Dev #1: …
1600 Clarkson Road
Chesterfield, Missouri
Employee: It's scary when your own government is telling you that the unemployment rate will raise and economy will worsen.
Friend: Hmm. Debatable.
Employee: It's like your parents telling you that you're going to be a junkie in the coming year.
Piscataway, New Jersey
Overheard by: Caroline
Maintenance grunt: I can't take you seriously with that hat.
Maintenance monkey: This hat? This hat's the shit, man. It was my grandma's.
Collegeville, Pennsylvania
Manager, regarding cellphone contract: We did you, then we called back and did your wife. I'm sorry. We upgraded your wife. Wife 2.0, that's right. Please don't tell her I said that.
Sydney
Australia
Overheard by: Meg
Woman testing cologne to daughter: Oh, no, if I go home smelling like a man, dad will know what I've been doing.
Roosevelt Field Mall
East Garden City, New York
Overheard by: T-Dizzle
