…Come by the Office Later and I'll Give You a Check.

Female executive VP on phone son: I'm not giving you money today. I'm not giving it to you. I'm not giving it to you. I'm not giving it to you. (pause) Michael, did you hear what I just said? I'm not giving you any money today. I'm. Not. Giving. You. Any. Money. Today. (pause) I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I said I'm sorry. (pause) Yes, I'm serious. I gave you $50 yesterday and I said it had to last you until Friday. You're 21. You're 21. Get a job. (pause) I'm not giving you money today. Okay, bye. (pause) I love you too.

Montclair, New Jersey

Posted on July 26, 2015
Age and ageing, Executives, Family, Family members, Feelings, Money, New Jersey, On the phone

Must Be the Family Jewels

Overexcited colleague, passing gift to departing coworker: With this necklace, I thee impregnate!

Melbourne
Australia

Overheard by: confusedbutamused

Posted on July 23, 2015
Australia, Coworkers, Family, Sexuality, Weirdness

I Can't Guarantee He'll Like You, Though

Woman #1: I want a boy! How do I make a boy?
Woman #2: Like a baby?
Woman #1: Yeah, like a baby boy.
Woman #3: Well, my cousin did it! There's one way to get a girl, and another way to make a boy. I can ask him if you want.

Manhattan, New York

Posted on July 21, 2015
Coworkers, Family, General Idiocy, Health & Hygiene, New York, Questions, Sexuality

An Ad Campaign That's Bound to Succeed in New York

Visitor from Boston: I had to break my daughter of her Boston accent.
Coworker: Are you going to go home and slap your daughter tonight?

Manhattan, New York

Posted on July 20, 2015
Coworkers, Family, New York, Questions, Violence

Moist, Delicious Students by the Basket

Boss: It will be a nice, warm, and fuzzy family event, which will increase student yield.

Hempstead, New York

Posted on July 20, 2015
Bosses, Default, Education, Family, Money, New York

Introducing, TV's Answer to the Lifetime Channel.

Boss to staff: If you write it right, parental abuse of teenage girls can be funny.

Burbank, California

Posted on July 16, 2015
Bosses and Underlings, California, Family, Sexuality, Violence, Weirdness

It's Not Like We're Korean

Office girl: Yeah, so I couldn't keep my dog anymore, so my dad got rid of it.
Office guy: Really? Oh–did he get rid of it the bad way?
Office girl: He didn't eat it!
Office guy (shocked): Um… That's really not what I meant, but okay…

Toronto
Canadia

Posted on July 16, 2015
Animals, Canadia, Coworkers, Family, Meals and Snacks, Questions

The Lord's Right on Top Of That Stuff

Coworker on phone: The baby was born retarded because her mother was a vegetarian. Thankfully the good Lord took her away.

Broad Street
Philadelphia, Pennsylvania

Posted on July 12, 2015
Coworkers, Death, Family, General Idiocy, Health & Hygiene, Meals and Snacks, On the phone, Pennsylvania, Religion, Weirdness

You Got Me Arrested Last Saturday

Young son to dad: I love you, dad. (goes over and gives him a hug)
Dad: I told you to get away from me!

Roosevelt Field Mall
Garden City, New York

Overheard by: Reena

Posted on July 7, 2015
Family, Feelings, Kids, New York, Parents, Weirdness

A Brave One

Employee: I have to leave, my mother’s bleeding.
Manager: Again?
Employee: Bleeding somewhere down there [gestures below waist] — she’s not sure where.
Manager: What kind of doctor do you call for that?

Rochelle Park, New Jersey

Posted on July 5, 2015
Bosses and Underlings, Family, General Idiocy, Health & Hygiene, New Jersey