Clueless bible-thumper chick: Everyone should have to see “Passion of the Christ” so they wouldn’t take our Lord’s name in vain anymore. And do you notice how it’s only God’s name that they use? You never hear anyone saying “Oh, Muhammad Ali this, or Muhammad Ali that”.
San Diego, California
Overheard by: Poor Jebus
Female peon: Linda*, I heard you are on a diet again!
Linda: Why? D’you have a diet?
Female peon: No, I am just clarifying. This way when I see you eat certain things, I can remind you that you are on a diet.
New York City, New York
Employee to another: Oh, is that the girl you put the rack on for?
Bike shop
Wantagh, New York
Overheard by: eviltwin
Lady peon getting help setting up hot dog luncheon: I just don’t want to get any wiener juice on me!
11400 West Lake Park Drive
Milwaukee, Wisconsin
Stable employee: Oh, there’s a reason all the horses’ names start with the letter Q. It’s ’cause we go through the alphabet — each year gets a different letter — so this year all the horses get named with the letter Q. So, like, last year was all P names, the year before it was O names, and next year it will be T… No, wait, U… S…? Hang on… P, Q, S, R… R, S — that’s it. Next year they all get R names.
Thebarton, Adelaide
Australia
Employee #1, giving presentation: You can’t get HIV from urine. Urine is actually sterile.
Employee #2: Blood is sterile!
Employee #1: Ummm, I’m pretty sure it’s not.
Employee #2: No, blood is sterile.
Employee #3: How can blood be sterile? What about hepatitis?
Employee #2: Well, I mean, it’s sterile to you when it’s inside of you.
Employee #1: Okay, everybody, blood is sterile… unless it’s full of HIV.
Rancho Cordova, California
HR woman: Oh, I love passing the buck. Passing the buck is my middle name.
Internet company
Pasadena, California
New analyst to managing director, about golf club: Hey, is your shaft stiff?
51 West 52nd Street
New York, New York
Clerk #1: Oh, no, not again!
Clerk #2: What?
Clerk #1: This register! It keeps going down on me!
Gilroy, California
Overheard by: I didn’t know they had that feature
Office grunt on cell: Yesterday I couldn’t even spell ‘truck driver,’ and today I are one!
175 Hutchinson Avenue
Columbus, Ohio
Overheard by: Hates Walkie-Talkie Cell Phones
