Dumb Employees

Female staff: Oh man, I’m so into “America’s Next Top Model.” You know that show.
Male staff: Oh yes. Good quality programming.
Female staff: They were having this marathon on VH1 this weekend, like the whole last season all at once. I got so hooked. But I missed the last two or three episodes, so I don’t know who won it.
Male staff: That’s awful. You really don’t know? That was last season.
Female staff: No, I didn’t see the last few episodes.
Male staff: You mean to tell me that you don’t know who won last season’s “America’s Next Top Model”?
Female staff: I didn’t see the last episode?
Male staff: But you don’t recognize her from all of the glamorous advertisements and runway shows she’s been doing?
Female staff: Well, no, I… Oh. You’re being sarcastic.
Male staff: For minutes now.

10 Medical Center Boulevard
Winston-Salem, North Carolina

Nurse, screening for life insurance: So tell me about your siblings…
Male worker: Well, I have 3 sisters, two older and one who’s a twin. I’m the youngest by two minutes.
Nurse: Oh, really? You have a twin sister? Are you identical?
Male worker: Are you serious? You’re a professional nurse and you’re asking me if I’m identical to my twin sister? Is this screening over because I’ve got work to do.

Tacoma, Washington

Overheard by: Stan Green

Developer, talking about boss: Yeah, and I was giving him crap because he wouldn’t come out with us because his wife’s gay… I mean pregnant!

State & Water
Peoria, Illinois

Overheard by: only girl in an office of men…

Clueless bible-thumper chick: Everyone should have to see “Passion of the Christ” so they wouldn’t take our Lord’s name in vain anymore. And do you notice how it’s only God’s name that they use? You never hear anyone saying “Oh, Muhammad Ali this, or Muhammad Ali that”.

San Diego, California

Overheard by: Poor Jebus

Female peon: Linda*, I heard you are on a diet again!
Linda: Why? D’you have a diet?
Female peon: No, I am just clarifying. This way when I see you eat certain things, I can remind you that you are on a diet.

New York City, New York

Employee to another: Oh, is that the girl you put the rack on for?

Bike shop
Wantagh, New York

Overheard by: eviltwin

Lady peon getting help setting up hot dog luncheon: I just don’t want to get any wiener juice on me!

11400 West Lake Park Drive
Milwaukee, Wisconsin

Stable employee: Oh, there’s a reason all the horses’ names start with the letter Q. It’s ’cause we go through the alphabet — each year gets a different letter — so this year all the horses get named with the letter Q. So, like, last year was all P names, the year before it was O names, and next year it will be T… No, wait, U… S…? Hang on… P, Q, S, R… R, S — that’s it. Next year they all get R names.

Thebarton, Adelaide
Australia

Employee #1, giving presentation: You can’t get HIV from urine. Urine is actually sterile.
Employee #2: Blood is sterile!
Employee #1: Ummm, I’m pretty sure it’s not.
Employee #2: No, blood is sterile.
Employee #3: How can blood be sterile? What about hepatitis?
Employee #2: Well, I mean, it’s sterile to you when it’s inside of you.
Employee #1: Okay, everybody, blood is sterile… unless it’s full of HIV.

Rancho Cordova, California

HR woman: Oh, I love passing the buck. Passing the buck is my middle name.

Internet company
Pasadena, California