…Hold On, Let Me Connect You to Her Voicemail.

Coworker, on cell: I'm sorry, she's passed away. (pause) She's passed away. (pause) She's dead.

Baltimore, Maryland

Posted on June 29, 2015
Coworkers, Death, Maryland, On the phone, Words

Dying Was Just One Final Way Of Leaving the Toilet Seat Up

Shop assistant: Have you got the measurements?
Old woman: My husband put them somewhere safe.
Shop assistant: He can't find them?
Old woman: He died.
(awkward silence)
Shop assistant: I'm sorry.
Old woman: He always was inconsiderate.

Fabric Shop
England

Posted on June 23, 2015
Death, Dumb Customers, England, Family, General Idiocy, Questions, Sales

Stick Some Batteries in That Sucker and It’ll Be Fine

Receptionist to trainee: Oh, you asked about the dead rabbit in my car. It’s for Yolanda, her dad wanted it.

Charlotte, North Carolina

Posted on June 19, 2015
Animals, Death, Default, Interns & Temps, North Carolina, Offers and requests, Questions, Receptionists, Weirdness

His Private Life Is Irrelevant, Counselor.

Attorney on conference call: Your honor, opposing counsel is beating a dead whore!

New Orleans, Louisiana

Overheard by: Glad she's not a dead whore

Posted on June 17, 2015
Death, Lawyers, Legal, Louisiana, On the phone, Sexuality, Violence, Words

Mom's in Human Resources

Seven-year-old daughter on speakerphone: I saw a cute mother-daughter necklace at the store. It said “if daughters were flowers I'd still pick you.” See, mom? I'm like a flower! I smell sweet!
Mother: Yeah, and when you die, I'll throw you away.

Pryor, Oklahoma

Overheard by: Danielle

Posted on June 11, 2015
Comebacks, Compare and contrast, Death, Family, Family members, Kids, Oklahoma, Parents, Sensory Experiences

Hello? Hello?

Coworker on phone: I get all my dogs cremated, so they can get buried with me when I die. Yes, I'm taking all mine with me when I go. Yeah, I have a whole cupboard full of dead dogs. My dad's in there, too.

Christchurch
New Zealand

Posted on June 11, 2015
Animals, Coworkers, Death, Family, New Zealand, On the phone, Weirdness

…Hello?…Hello?? Aw, Crap.

Adjuster to claimant driver, attempting to take a recorded statement: Well, I hope you're not going to die anytime soon because I have a lot of important questions I need to ask you.

Brentwood, Tennessee

Overheard by: Missing that page in my training manual

Posted on June 11, 2015
Death, Employees, Tennessee, Weirdness, Wishes

In Afghanistan, Roger Was to Feel Nostalgic About This Conversation

Copy editor: I just wanna go home and sleep. And if I'm lucky, I'll never wake up again.
Project manager #1: That's my dream. To die in my sleep.
Project manager #2: Well, sure. But tonight?
Copy editor: Why, is there something on tv tonight you'd miss?

Ad Agency
Seattle, Washington

Posted on June 8, 2015
Bosses, Death, General Idiocy, Questions, TV, Washington, Wishes, Writers and Editors

A Jewish Vampire, Apparently

CSR: Is Mike there?
Man: Do you know what day it is?
CSR: What does that have to do with anything?
Man: Well it’s Sunday!
CSR: I know that! Can I talk to Mike?
Man: No it’s Sunday and he isn’t alive on Sunday because he’s a vampire!

375 Ghent Road
Akron, Ohio

Overheard by: No Longer Employed

Posted on May 29, 2015
Customer Service, Death, General Idiocy, Offers and requests, Ohio, Questions, Strangers, Time Management

Now Who Will I Have Sex with at Lunch?

Office manager: Tess* is not going to be in for a few days. Her mother died.
Boss: Why does everything always happen to me?

Hackensack, New Jersey

Overheard by: Gary

Posted on May 24, 2015
Bosses, Death, Default, Employees, Feelings, Gripes, New Jersey

Death