Professor: So, you know how if you feed your sister-in-law’s kid a lot of sugar and caffeine, and he gets all crazy-like and runs around screaming? Well, that’s like exciting the molecule. And after a while, the excitement dies down, and he hits something. Like a wall. And if you’re lucky, he vomits. Fluorescence is the vomit of molecule excitation.
High Point University
High Point, North Carolina
Overheard by: This is what we’re teaching the leaders of tomorrow?
Nurse, screening for life insurance: So tell me about your siblings…
Male worker: Well, I have 3 sisters, two older and one who’s a twin. I’m the youngest by two minutes.
Nurse: Oh, really? You have a twin sister? Are you identical?
Male worker: Are you serious? You’re a professional nurse and you’re asking me if I’m identical to my twin sister? Is this screening over because I’ve got work to do.
Tacoma, Washington
Overheard by: Stan Green
Systems administrator: No, it isn’t a flowchart, it’s a chart that just happens to flow.
Aberdeen
Scotland
United Kingdom
Overheard by: Auditor in the corner
Man: Is Murphy* a man? Or a woman?
Woman: Does it matter?
Man: Um yeah. I was going to ask Terry out, and the shape of his? Her? Genitals rather matters to me.
Woman: Bigot.
Church in Victoria
British Columbia
Canadia
Frustrated supervisor: Yeah, I’m down with all this safety crap, but you know? Sometimes I wish I had a job where I could potentially cut my hand off.
Dallas, Texas
Overheard by: Mr. Safety
Coworker #1: Yeah, I went to Egypt but I didn’t really like it that much because it was so commercialized.
Coworker #2: I felt the same way about Israel… It was like there were just too many gift shops.
Ex-army coworker: I went to Iraq. It wasn’t commercialized at all.
Schaumburg, Illinois
Overheard by: Emily
Clueless bible-thumper chick: Everyone should have to see “Passion of the Christ” so they wouldn’t take our Lord’s name in vain anymore. And do you notice how it’s only God’s name that they use? You never hear anyone saying “Oh, Muhammad Ali this, or Muhammad Ali that”.
San Diego, California
Overheard by: Poor Jebus
Assistant eating sub sandwich: Man, I’m full already.
Hoochie coworker: You just consumed less than four inches of that thing. Heck, I usually stuff at least a 12-inch down my throat…
Assistant: Uh, yeah, I’m definitely done now…
California
Overheard by: californiatrinity
Male employee: Well, I guess we’re the last ones here.
Female employee: Yeah, we’re like… the Lone Rangers.
Male employee: Oh, yeah? Who gets to be Tonto?
Female employee: I don’t know. Who was he, again?
Male employee: The Indi– Native American.
Female employee: Oh. Well, all he wore was a loincloth.
Male employee: That’s not gonna be me, then.
Female employee, looking down at her large breasts: It sure isn’t going to be me! … Besides, I’d rather be a horse… Look, that didn’t come out right, okay?
Scott A.F.B
Illinois
Overheard by: they overlooked me
Girl at lunch table: I’m not musty — it’s her sandwich.
630 Broad Street
Gadsden, Alabama
