Project manager: Boris, moose and squirrel are over there.
Union Square
New York City, New York
Overheard by: Julie
Project manager: Boris, moose and squirrel are over there.
Union Square
New York City, New York
Overheard by: Julie
Peon: I’m going to be on a jury! I really hope I get a murder trial, since I’m in the city. When I lived in the country, I had to be on a jury for this guy who hit a cow. I’m like, ‘I don’t want to sit through this!’
351 West Camden Street
Baltimore, Maryland
Overheard by: Temp-tation
Branch manager: Maybe it's a seeing eye goat!
Brownsville, Texas
Visiting executive: So I want to talk about branch 512. What letter does the branch code end with?
Regional manager: Y.
Visiting executive: Y?
Regional manager: Yes, Y. As in “yak.”
Visiting executive: Oh, I see.
Regional manager: Stacey, can you give us an update on branch 512Y?
Stacey: You had me at “yak.”
King of Prussia, Pennsylvania
Overheard by: Stacey Quit 3 Weeks Later
Coworker #1: You wouldn't believe who just called me. Juan*. I haven't heard from him in six months, and now all of a sudden he thinks I'm going to talk to him again?
Coworker #2, jokingly: Well, maybe he just wants to be good friends.
Coworker #1: You know what? He can just go and be good friends with his horse!
Melbourne, Florida
Office drone: I feel like an ape… my thumbs don't oppose anymore.
Richmond, Virginia
Overheard by: usual suspect
Office girl: Yeah, so I couldn't keep my dog anymore, so my dad got rid of it.
Office guy: Really? Oh–did he get rid of it the bad way?
Office girl: He didn't eat it!
Office guy (shocked): Um… That's really not what I meant, but okay…
Toronto
Canadia
Disgruntled programmer: I would cut the head off a chicken right now and perform a Santeria ritual in order to get this program to work!
Newtown, Pennsylvania
Supervisor: I think my bird is dying. What should I do?
Coworker #1: Put it in a bag and tie it to your car exhaust.
Coworker #2: Put it in the freezer.
Coworker #3: Put in a bag and whack it.
Supervisor: You people scare me… Go back to work.
Chicago, Illinois
Large lesbo on cell: What’s new with me? Oh, nothing too much. Oh wait — yeah, I got a new dog! Yeah, another one. Well, my neighbor was killed in a murder-suicide with her boyfriend, so the dog had post-traumatic stress disorder. Oh, it’s a Irish Settler. It’s pretty cute… A little overweight, though. Besides that, not too much. You know me — work, work, work.
Marriot Hotel Concierge VIP room
Houston, Texas
Overheard by: Miguelito Morrison
