Red-faced manager: Frozen again! God fucking dammit! Jesus fucking Christ! I'm getting really fucking pissed off at this motherfucking computer!
Nonchalant passerby: Kick it, then.
Plymouth, Michigan
Red-faced manager: Frozen again! God fucking dammit! Jesus fucking Christ! I'm getting really fucking pissed off at this motherfucking computer!
Nonchalant passerby: Kick it, then.
Plymouth, Michigan
50-year old guy #1: I don't want to be here.
50-year old guy #2, passing by: Just shit your pants. Nobody likes working with you if you have shitty pants.
Rocky River, Ohio
Young office worker: I need some Catholic classes or something. I get all confused about the Bible characters and Jesus.
Manager: Why not go to church? Or maybe when you go to college, they’ll have a Bible study. Lots of kids do that.
Young office worker: I need something before then. I need Jesus for Dummies so I can catch up!
365 West Passaic Street
Rochelle Park, New Jersey
Overheard by: the cubicle right outside
Peon #1: Don't put that paper in the bin, it won't get recycled. Put it in the confidential waste bin, the stuff in there does get recycled.
Peon #2: But it's not confidential waste.
Peon #1: Well, write a secret on it and then put it in, if that'll make you feel better.
Glasgow
Scotland
Overheard by: PumpkinSpider
Air steward, during safety demonstration: We are expecting some turbulence during this flight. Please remain seated with your seat belt buckled. Remember, we have worker's compensation and you don't.
San Diego, California
Overheard by: Kirstoona
Manager: We need to be less stupider on how we do…things…We need to work on our synergy, ensure we’re interlocking with our process improvements…You need to have a sense of urgency, a relaxed urgency where you don’t hurry anyone else but you.
1 Dell Way
Round Rock, Texas
Overheard by: Anonymous Tech
Coworker on phone: Just wear your own clothes.
Arlington, Virginia
Overheard by: DC Diva
Female on cell in hallway: HPV. HPV. No, not HIV, HPV. You know, the warts… Yeah, HPV. I don't know, freeze them off maybe?
O'Fallon, Missouri
Woman on phone: Mom, tell my brother that if he doesn’t pick up his car, I’m gonna have it towed.
[pause]
Woman on phone: Because I don’t want it parked in front of my house.
[pause]
Woman on phone: Because I don’t want to advertise to the entire neighborhood that black people live here.
465 Main Street
Charlestown, Massachusetts
Teacher: Explain that to me again.
Parent: I just don’t gets it. I’s lay with a man, and he gets me pregnant.
Teacher: Are you serious?
Parent: Look, bitch, I gots me seven kids, and I don’t know where they be comin’ from. You gots to help me. I goes to sleep, and then I’s wake up pregnant.
Teacher: Look, I’m referring you to the counselor. This is out of my hands.
Parent: Bitch, that ain’t gonna help!
Teacher: Look, I don’t have a direct line with Jesus to help you out, so the counselor is the next best thing. Got that, bitch?
School
Las Vegas, Nevada
