Obnoxious 20-something IT guy to another: Oh, look, here's another set with cats as the background, aren't they just adorable?
Middle-aged librarian lady, overhearing: Da Vinci drew those cats. (pause) And they'll rip your fucking head off.
Seattle, Washington
Overheard by: marion the other librarian
Upset creepy man trying to get access to woman's room: I am wearing a $10,000 watch, you don't have to worry about me stealing anything.
Manager: For all I know, you killed someone and stole their watch.
Las Vegas, Nevada
Overheard by: Ross79
Little boss to big boss who was late meeting his wife for dinner: Shut it down, boss, or I'm gonna make you squeal like a pig!
Washington, DC
Boss: That’s what I hate about these people who take the Bible literally: it’s so pick and choose! What about all the parts where you get stoned for looking at bread the wrong way?
Print shop
Sunset Park, Brooklyn, New York
Overheard by: milu
Jr. Developer: What we need is an alien invasion.
Deveveloper #11: We have one. Mexicans.
Jr. Developer: [sigh] What we need is an extraterrestrial alien invasion.
Developer #2: Boy, you sure have it out for the aliens.
Developer #1: I can’t help it. I’m a xenophobe.
Jr. Developer: The whole world is xenophobic. We need the extraterrestrial invasion in order to unite the globe and to make us stop fighting amongst ourselves.
Developer #1: Until after they left.
Jr. Developer: No, because they came from space, there could always be more of them. As paranoid humans, we have to hunt them down and exterminate them all in order to protect ourselves.
Pause
Jr. Developer: Besides, they might have oil.
501 Corporate Centre Drive
Franklin, Tennessee
Overheard by: Brian
Worker bee #1: They used to line us up in the middle of the school, make us drop our pants, and paddle us.
Worker bee #2: You can’t do that these days because too many people would like it.
Richmond, Virginia
Overheard by: usual suspect
Dog owner: I used to have a Rottweiler too, but he died. They don't have very long lifespans.
Coworker: That's because they are fueled by liquid hate and the fingers of small children.
Navy Yard
Washington, DC
Desk rat: Oh… We’re out of coffee. (pause) I would rather kill everyone in this building than make a new batch.
(everyone turns to stare)
Desk rat: What? I didn’t say anything that you weren’t all thinking.
Baltimore, Maryland
Overheard by: Ren
Female employee #1: I wish murder was legal. There is one rotten person I would definitely out for this world.
Female employee #2: Just one?
Syracuse, New York
Overheard by: I feel the same…
