Time Management

3PM Slushie Run

Coworker#1: Okay, I’m back.
Coworker#2: Where did you go?
Coworker#3: We went to get a slushie.
Coworker#2: What? Where’s mine?
Coworker#1: You didn’t say you wanted one.
Coworker#2: Well, must my slushie needs be known to everyone? I just can’t believe you went without even asking me.
Coworker#3: How is she supposed to know if you wanted a slushie?
Coworker#2: I always ask her if she wants one when I go. I even give her money if she wants one. Oh, and look now. Now your’re drinking it in front of me.
Coworker #1: Dude! You never said you wanted one. You even saw me walk out. Do you even want one?
Coworker# 2: No, I’m fine.

19219 N 4th Street
Covington, Louisiana

11AM Grab a Quick Smoke

Co-worker #1: There’s an all-hands meeting today at 11:45.
Co-worker #2: Oh, I’m going to be busy then. Do I have to go?
Co-worker #1: Do you have hands?

4540 Lacey Boulevard SE
Lacey, Washington

Overheard by: Melisa

I Have a Limited-Liability Contract With the Idea Of Work

CSR #1 to CSR #2: You know, you should really try getting to work on time. You don't want them to fire you.
CSR #2: They can't fire me! I put my notice in the day I started!

Greenville, South Carolina

That Kind of Unpredictability Is Half the Fun

Manager: It starts on the first half, and all of a sudden we’re on the next-to-last half.

100 Broadway
New York, New York

9AM Back to Work

Co-worker: She was like, “Nigga, just drop me off at daycare and go about your business.”

11100 USA Parkway
Fishers, Indiana

Overheard by: minkey

Ooo, What About Muslims?

Male coworker: You should send the calls to the UK, since they'll be open tomorrow. They don't celebrate Thanksgiving. Who else will be working tomorrow?
Female coworker: Jewish people. No…wait, that's Christmas.

St. Paul, Minnesota

Well, an IV, Some Sort of Modified Reciprocal Saw, a Rubber Hand, and a Lot of Lotion Ought to Do the Trick

General manager: Listen, if you guys can find a way for me to whack off another six months, that would be great.

12112 115th Avenue NE
Kirkland, Washington

What Comes from Being Raised on Episodes Of Roseanne

Coworker to customer: No, no. I don't think it won't take anything no longer than that.

Mt. Laurel, New Jersey

Overheard by: Annoyed

4PM Transcribing

Supervisor: Just do whatever’s easier for you.
Word processor: It’s easiest to do it this way, ’cause then I don’t have to think.
Supervisor: Well, you want to think a little bit…
Word processor: Nah, not really.

1 World Financial Center
New York, New York

Anyway, We’re Not Sure You’re the Sort of Sales Rep We Want at Dead Cat in a Basket, LLC

Older woman: Yes, I have fifteen years of commission-only sales experience, and I’m accustomed to traveling four days out of the week.
Interviewer: Oh, um, well that’s great. Um, yes, some of our new hires don’t like traveling because it’s so lonely and can be far from home and, um, you know, like solitudish and lonely.
Older woman: That’s okay with me. Travel is fine, but I can’t travel for three weeks out and one week home. I have two cats. I can leave them for four days at a time but not three weeks.
Interviewer: Oh. Well, that’s unfortunate ’cause we really would like you for the job. Well, um, if something would happen that would mean you could take this job, um, like I won’t get into what that would be or anything morbid or sad or anything…but you could always re-apply.

6500 Matalin Place
Louisville, Kentucky

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