Time Management

Anyway, We’re Not Sure You’re the Sort of Sales Rep We Want at Dead Cat in a Basket, LLC

Older woman: Yes, I have fifteen years of commission-only sales experience, and I’m accustomed to traveling four days out of the week.
Interviewer: Oh, um, well that’s great. Um, yes, some of our new hires don’t like traveling because it’s so lonely and can be far from home and, um, you know, like solitudish and lonely.
Older woman: That’s okay with me. Travel is fine, but I can’t travel for three weeks out and one week home. I have two cats. I can leave them for four days at a time but not three weeks.
Interviewer: Oh. Well, that’s unfortunate ’cause we really would like you for the job. Well, um, if something would happen that would mean you could take this job, um, like I won’t get into what that would be or anything morbid or sad or anything…but you could always re-apply.

6500 Matalin Place
Louisville, Kentucky

…Thanks to Our Generous Bending Of Time and Space.

Insurance representative: If you were to come to us individually, it would cost you about $45 a month, but since you guys get a group rate, it's only $8.61 every other week. That's less than $23 a month!

Kirkland, Washington

Overheard by: Ferox

Especially the Cats’ Eyes

Kindergarten boy: Mrs. Jones*, I need to go to the bathroom.
Teacher: No, you just went.
Kindergarten boy: Please, Mrs. Jones*. I gotta go.
Teacher: No, you were told you had to wait.
Kindergarten boy: But I have to go now! My marbles are itchy!

Manitoba
Canadia

Customer Service Calls with Happy Endings

CSR: No, Courtney is with a customer right now. Can I take a message?…Oh, Courtney just hollered and she’s off the customer now.

106 West Grand River Avenue
Howell, Michigan

We May Have Lost Our Laser-like Focus on the Customer, Though

IT guy #1: So, Stan* is trying to bring some cohesiveness to our group…
IT guys #2 and #3: [Laughing.]IT guy #1: No, I think it’s working. Because now we’re all like, ‘Fuck you, Stan.’

1135 64th Avenue
SE Calgary
Alberta, Canadia

I Keep Forgettng to Propose

Sales to admin: I'll be missing golf next week because I'll be off getting married. Oh, wait… It's the week after next.

Jeannette, Pennsylvania

I Overheard That the Genie is Still Laughing at You

Co-worker #1: Wanna go in, say…10 minutes? Or do you need longer?
Co-worker #2: How about 15?
Co-worker #1: I knew that was what you were going to say!…I think I wasted my wish when I said, “I’d like to know what people are
going to say, right before they actually say it.”

1835 Terminal Drive
Richland, Washington

And Have That Carpal Tunnel Surgery

Male VP: We'll beat it off for now.
Female general counsel: We'll beat it off for the next five years.
Consultant: That's probably the longest we can beat it off for.
Female general counsel: And then I'll retire.

Washington, DC

Overheard by: If I so much as smile, I'll get fired.

Do I Need to Explain “Humpday” to You Again?

HR: So maybe I can do all three of you in the morning.

Marlborough, Massachusetts

11AM Handle Employee Complaints

Boss: Why hasn’t the mail come in yet?
HR: We have a new postal carrier and she hasn’t come in yet.
Boss: Is she nice looking?
HR: Well, she’s inconsistent. Sometimes she delivers at 2:30, sometimes it’s 1:00.
Boss: What has that got to do with how she looks?
HR: It doesn’t. Welcome to HR.

81 Apsley Street
Hudson, Massachusetts

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