Voicemail: Please state your name and excuse for absence.
Employee: I’m too drunk to drive.
167 3rd Avenue
Brooklyn, New York
Voicemail: Please state your name and excuse for absence.
Employee: I’m too drunk to drive.
167 3rd Avenue
Brooklyn, New York
Receptionist on phone: Hello, law offices…Excuse me? I think you have the wrong number. This is a law office. No, this law office has nothing to do with the Maury Show. Sir, you know, I really think you have the wrong number…No, our number is nothing like that…Well, I don’t know, are you drunk? Really? Well, good for you…Okay, well, good luck in getting through to Maury.
350 Fifth Avenue
New York, New York
Person in cubicle: Is that your cell phone?
Person in next cubicle: No, it's my mouth.
Austin, Texas
Tech support: Can you tell if it’s an Ethernet cable or a phone cable?
Customer: How do I tell?
Tech support: Well, if you hold it up to the cable attached to your phone and you look at the plug, if it looks the same, you’ve got a phone cable. If it’s bigger, it’s probably Ethernet.
Customer: Oh cool. Let me look.
Tech support: WAIT! [dial tone]
711 Boylston Street
Boston, Massachusetts
Female marketing manager on phone: That was the best meeting we've had since I've been here. It felt like sex! When it was finished I wanted to smoke a cigarette and drink some scotch.
Technology Square
Cambridge, Massachusetts
Office girl on cell: Come on, Mom, you know how I feel about socks!
621 East 9th Street
Des Moines, Iowa
Project manger: From now on all of the questions are going to be rhetorical.
Group on speakerphone: [Silence.]Project manager: You know what rhetorical means, don’t you?
Group on speakerphone: [Silence.]Project manager: Anyway…
Fairfax, Virginia
Secretary on phone to other secretary: Yeah, I know, like he wants us to go out and pull people off the street to get them in here… What the fuck? (pause) Oh, the hooker who works at the corner by the station is still alive, I saw her the other day, some dude dropped her off out front, she got out wiping her mouth, ewwww, it was totally nasty! But she's still alive!
Lincoln Park, Michigan
Customer completing an application form on phone: Would my sister be a sibling to me?
Washington, DC
Admin on phone: No, I can't write your budget justification for you, you have to do that yourself. (pause) Because I cannot justify what you are doing, that's why!
Fordham University
