The Problem with Pre-Programmed Social Banalities

Telephone salesperson: May I please speak to Eric Smith*?
Receptionist: He doesn’t work here any more, can I take a message?
Telephone salesperson: No, that’s okay, I’ll call him back.

1270 Broadway
New York, New York

Overheard by: Brian

Posted on March 10, 2026
Dumb Customers, Dumb Employees, General Idiocy, New York, On the phone

He Wants You to Do for Him What Was Done for Travolta

Drone on phone: Slammed, yeah. This new account is kicking my ass. Why is Burt Reynolds coming? I thought he was dead.

Braselton, Georgia

Posted on February 21, 2026
Consultants, Georgia, Gossip, On the phone

Because I’m Not Doing That Until after We’re Married

Girl: Is this gonna be one of those phone conversations where you talk to yourself for 10 minutes and I just kinda listen?

Student Union, East Carolina University
Greenville, North Carolina

Posted on February 20, 2026
Consultants, North Carolina, On the phone

Choke First, Ask Questions Later

Woman on phone: So, are we talking about the left-hand chicken, or the one o’clock chicken?

Kansas City, Missouri

Posted on January 22, 2026
Coworkers, Missouri, On the phone

Dude, Turn off the iPod

Coworker on speakerphone with messenger center: Last name is Baratta.
Messenger center: Spell it.
Coworker: B-A-R-A-T-T-A.
Messenger center, repeating: P-V-R-G-G-A?
Coworker: … What does that even spell?!

1 Park Avenue
New York, New York

Overheard by: Davey

Posted on December 30, 2025
Coworkers, New York, On the phone

It’s Not You, It’s Me

Guy on phone: I’m single, I’m not tied-down, I’m Italian — what the fuck else do you want?

Cupertino, California

Overheard by: tmg

Posted on November 30, 2025
California, Coworkers, Gripes, Insults, On the phone, Possible Sexual Harassment, Questions

For a Telemarketer Who Has an IQ above 70, Press ‘2’

Homeowner answering telephone: Hola.
Telemarketer, in broken English: I am calling to tell you about a new calling plan…
Homeowner: No habla Ingles.
Telemarketer: Do you speak English?
Homeowner: No habla Ingles.
Telemarketer, speaking very slowly: Then I will speak English very slowly to you.
Homeowner: No habla Ingles, adios.

921 South Irby Street
Florence, South Carolina

Overheard by: Dun Ben Ther