VP Research: The client would like us to find a creative way to solve the problem.
Field Manager: I am tired of looking for the solution to this problem; let’s start looking for someone to blame instead…
85 E Street
South Portland, Maine
Overheard by: brian brinegar
Woman (after manager jokingly pats her on the back): Hey, don’t be coming in here hitting me!
Manager: No, no, I wouldn’t do that. I haven’t hit a woman in a long time. You know when the last time I hit a woman was? It was my ex-wife, and it was goooooood. I spent two days in jail, but it was worth it. It was soooo worth it. They had to wire her jaw shut. Six weeks. Six weeks of silence.
Woman: That’s nice, but could you leave now, please?”
Wilmington, North Carolina
Desk worker #1: I think we need something new in our lobby.
Desk worker #2: I could use a new rack. Mine’s all worn out. See how this just hangs?
Boston, Massachusetts
Overheard by: institution of higher education
Excited supervisor: Want to see pictures of my dead cat?
Fairfax, Virginia
Customer: I left something in a cab and I would pay very well to get it back.
Dispatcher: Sure, I just need to know the description of the item to see if it's been returned.
Customer: Umm, I'd rather not explain.
Dispatcher: Well, how do I find it? It can't be that bad.
Customer: Well, it's a brown bag. Has anyone turned in a brown bag?
Dispatcher: Not that I'm aware of. Look, do you know the cab number?
Customer: No, but I think it was one of your cabs.
Dispatcher: You think? Did you catch a name? Know anything about the driver?
Customer: He was foreign, like, Middle Eastern. I think his name was Ali.
Dispatcher: Seriously?
Burnside Street
Portland, Oregon
Overheard by: Harassed Dispatcher
Coworker #1: Do you want this document spf-ed?
Coworker #2: Do mean pdf-ed?
Coworker #1: Yeah, why, what did I say?
Coworker #2: Sfp.
Ellicott City, Maryland
Lasik tech to another: Can I borrow your eyes for a sec?
Lasik Vision Institute, California
Overheard by: blind betty
Young female manager: Can I get you anything else today, sir?
Man: Yeah, a wife of childbearing age.
Young female manager: Well, I can’t help you there, but how about some water?
208 West 72nd Street
New York, New York
Man, coming into office: Do you have superglue in your drawers?
Baltimore, Maryland
Boss: I need you to email this to [Kevin].
Assistant: No problem, I have the electronic version right here. I’ll email it out in a sec.
Boss: Great…Oh, and make sure my notes don’t show up when you send it out.
Assistant: Your notes?
Boss: Yeah, the notes I wrote there in the margins.
Assistant: Um, don’t worry. They won’t.
Boss: Great, thanks.
Assistant: Just fucking retire already…Jesus!
300 West Pratt Street
Baltimore, Maryland
