Editor: It occurs to me that a pomegranate was not the best choice for fruit to eat at my desk.
2001 Lind Avenue SW
Renton, Washington
Editor: It occurs to me that a pomegranate was not the best choice for fruit to eat at my desk.
2001 Lind Avenue SW
Renton, Washington
Co-Worker #1: …and who ordered the salad?
Co-Worker #2: Marie*, but she left for the day.
Co-Worker #1: Is she okay?
Co-Worker #2: I hope so. She was crying when she left. I guess the police called and said her 7-year-old daughter was a town over from where she was supposed to be, and no one knows where the sitter went.
Co-Worker #1: Oh, that’s awful. [long pause] So you think that means I can eat her salad?
Providence, Rhode Island
Overheard by: Kate
Marketing girl: I also want to know why my salad tastes like bacon.
CSR: Maybe bacon bits are in it?
Marketing girl: Nope, I made it myself… My croutons taste like bacon.
CSR: Is that a come-on?
Waltham, Massachusetts
Large woman to laughing four-year-old boy outside Golden Corral buffet: What do you mean that wasn't a hot dog you showed me?
Lexington, Kentucky
Comp tech: If I had a million dollars I’d invent popcorn that pops every kernel.
Broadway
New York City, New York
Overheard by: TerryFTW
Waitress #1, to customer: I've tried that before, except I don't really like runny eggs, so I usually don't get it. It's good, though. Poached eggs look too much like an abortion. (pauses) I probably shouldn't have said that…
Waitress #2, overhearing: Wait, what looks like an abortion?
Waitress #1: Poached eggs.
Waitress #2: Oh. (pause) Yeah, they do.
Café
Boston, Massachusetts
Overheard by: I wouldn't know. I've never had one.
PR lady #1: I have nuts.
PR lady #2: That’s great, because I have a penis.
658 Church Street
Richmond, Victoria
Australia
Overheard by: Louise
Designer: Here, just try it.
Writer: No.
Designer: Come on! Why are you being so stubborn?
Writer, shouting: I am not putting that in my mouth! It’s all limp!
Pause.
Writer, shouting into hallway: I was talking about French fries!
16340 North Scottsdale Road
Scottsdale, Arizona
Overheard by: Miel
Male boss: Are those cupcakes handmade?
Female subordinate: We don't do hand jobs here!
Washington, DC
Overheard by: This isn't Starbucks
Supervisor #1: Anyone want any chocolate? I have three pounds.
Supervisor #2: From the boyfriend, huh?
Supervisor #3: I don’t think I could eat three pounds of anything. What could I eat three pounds of?
Supervisor #1: Ice cream. I could eat three pounds of ice cream.
Supervisor #3: I could definitely eat three pounds of ice cream. That’s kind of a gross thought, though.
Supervisor #1: It’s like eating a preemie.
200 New Canton Way
Robbinsville, New Jersey
Overheard by: office peon hate v-day
