Meals and Snacks

On the Plus Side, the Office Smells Like Mom's Chicken Soup

IT guy on phone: Yeah, we had to let Sam* go this weekend. (pause) Yeah, the server's fixed. (pause) Uh, it's sort of weird. (pause) Yeah, well… He was on call rotation and got called in. He was high. (pause) He brought ten packs of pasta noodles with him, and jammed each noodle into the mail server intake fan. (pause) Something like that. He said the sound the noodles made against the Delta fans was the sound of the Microsoft demons being cast from the server. (pause) He managed to fill the server case with noodle shrapnel, which made the system overheat. (pause) How would I know if he successfully cast the demons from the server? (pause) No, it's still booting server 2008, if that's what you mean.

Winnipeg
Canadia

May I Suggest Decaf, Sir?

Suit: Why do we have Swiss Miss and Nesquik?
Warehouse guy: Ummm, they’re not the same thing.
Suit: How so? They both make hot chocolate!
Warehouse guy: Well, maybe cause Swiss Miss goes in milk and water?
Suit: So why don’t we just keep this around? It’s a multi-tasking hot chocolate!
Warehouse guy: Huh? Ummm, well, maybe people like the way Nesquik ‘multi-tasks.’ It can be put in cold or hot milk. Good for the summer.
Suit: And this can’t?
Warehouse guy: Dunno. Don’t think so…
Suit: Forget it! I’ll have coffee!

The Boulevard
Norfolk, Virginia

Overheard by: CoffeeJunky

Pregnancy: Like a Tapeworm, but With a Baby at the End of it All

Coworker: I wish I was pregnant. You can eat as much as you want and nobody says anything.

Dakota Street
Sioux Falls, South Dakota

1PM Lunch

Co-worker #1: I swear, you’d think we never eat the way we jump on the free food.
Co-worker #2: If it weren’t for work I don’t think I would eat.
Co-worker #1: Yeah, but I always forget and eat and then I have to eat again when it’s free.
Co-worker #2: Not me. I wait for it. But sometimes that’s bad, ’cause like, then one day I’ll be hungry and I’ll be all like, “Why didn’t you guys have a meeting today?!”

640 5th Avenue
New York, NY

One Sign That You Should Be Seeing a Different Doctor

Doctor: So, you aren't eating or drinking water during the day for a whole month?
Muslim med student: Yep, but it's not so bad, it gives us time to reflect and pray.
Doctor: Wow, well, thanks for telling me about Ramadan. Now let's figure out our schedule for the day. Have you eaten lunch yet?

Medical Center
Richmond, Virginia

We Prefer the Milkshake Idea.

Secretary #1, spreading butter on bread: Butter is evil! If Satan could ejaculate, it would be butter!
Secretary #2, also spreading butter: If that were the case, I might actually ask to give him a blow job!

Fairbanks, Alaska

Overheard by: Not Me!!

1PM Lunch

Co-worker: We had Burger King breakfast in Mexico and it had refried beans and peppers in the eggs.
Manager: They were probably goat’s eggs, not chicken eggs.

9353 Jefferson Highway
Maple Grove, Minnesota

It's a Tough Economy, People

Boss: Do you like your bananas al dente?
Intern: Yes, I do!

Manhattan, New York

Some Writers Got Out of Practice During the Strike

Worker #1: It's cold out.
Worker #2: Yeah, it's like having half a cup of coffee thrown in your face…but cold.
Worker #1: That's the worst analogy ever.

14th Street
Arlington, Virginia

Maybe I Should Go to France!

Coworker #1: How was your trip?
Coworker #2: I ate guacamole.
Coworker #1: Oh! I love guacamole!

Montclair, New Jersey

Overheard by: Crying Inside

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