Gripes

How Does Me Killing You and Assuming Your Identity Sound?

Boss: I found this [correspondence dated a week ago] in my inbox, waiting for my signature. It was Bill Smith’s* estate tax return! Why didn’t you tell me to check my inbox?? There’s all kinds of stuff in there that hasn’t gone out. You have to come up with a way for me to check my inbox more regularly so things like this don’t happen again!
Secretary: Um, ok? Do you want me to set Outlook reminders that you’ll ignore, or would you like to ignore me personally?

900 East Hill Avenue
Knoxville, Tennessee

Overheard by: She’s Not Psychic

He’s an Art Teacher

Co-Worker: I sent out the class rosters for summer term to all the faculty and got an e-mail back from one guy wanting to know why he can’t find his name on the list. Because it’s the list of his students! How did he get to be a teacher!?

1400 Penn Avenue
Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania

Overheard by: The Temp

Or Maybe Stop By and Start a Fire

Co-Worker #1: I was just over at [your new boss]’s office, and the first thing I noticed was that it’s really quiet over there!
Co-Worker #2: Oh, I know.
Co-Worker #1: No, really, you’re going to go crazy! It was almost nine o’clock, and nobody was talking! You’ll have to play yourself some music or something.
Co-Worker #2: Yeah.
Co-Worker #1: So I decided what I’ll do is call you sometimes and just yell over the phone!

Collegeville, Pennsylvania

Thank God I Have This NyQuil in My Desk

Worker #1: I went to all the liquor stores this morning, and they were closed. They don’t open until 10 AM.
Worker #2: Well, that’s retarded. Haven’t they ever heard of mimosas?
Worker #1: Or alcoholics?

37 West 20 Street
New York, New York

Overheard by: shenanigan

Really, Even a Creek Will Get You If You’re Careless or Stupid

Guy in cubicle #1: What are you doing?
Guy in cubicle #2: Looking at rivers that can kill ya!

349 Mitchell Street
Groton, Connecticut

Overheard by: Livonthedge

How About ‘Don’t You Wish Your Savior Was Hot Like Me’?

Blocked writer: Do you know how hard it is to write a useful, edifying sermon when you’ve got “Don’t You Wish Your Girlfriend Was Hot Like Me” stuck in your head?

1701 Delancey
Philadelphia, Pennsylvania

Overheard by: Anne-Cara

Secretary: I Thought You Only Get Fired If You Wear It

Director: If I mail underwear, I’ll get fired.

Direct mail department of a conservative Catholic organization
Baltimore, Maryland

Overheard by: Chuckles to Himself

The Riddle of the Sphincter

Walking man: Hey, John.
Sitting man: Sphincter says what?
Walking man: What?
Sitting man: Sphincter says what?
Walking man: What are you, five? This is a professional office.
Sitting man: You fell for it.

Russell Senate Office Building
Washington, DC

Overheard by: Dennis Carroll

I Heard Otherwise From the Last Guy Who Filled Your Cocoa Slot

Worker #1: They’re out of orange juice again.
Worker #2: Yeah, and they haven’t refilled the cocoa slot, either.
Worker #1: They’re also out of Dr. Pepper.
Worker #3: Well, you could just have the Diet Dr. Pepper.
Worker #1: I’m not an animal!

1166 Sixth Avenue
New York, New York

And I Really Only Need a Few Extra…for the Organs

CFO: Some days I’m amazed at your talent. Other days I just feel like I have forty extra children.

312 Plum Street
Cincinnati, Ohio

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