Intern chick: Where’s Ithaca?
Bronx boy: It’s upstate.
Intern chick: Upstate?
Bronx boy: Way upstate.
Intern chick: So where are we?
Bronx boy: We’re southern. The very southern tip of New York.
Intern chick: OK, how far north is it?
Bronx boy: Really far north… it’s near prisons, if you really want to know the truth.
125th Street & Lenox Avenue
New York, New York
Customer: I’m looking for one of those things where I can plug it into my TV’s video and plug like four video game systems into it and push a button to switch between them.
Employee: Yeah, I don’t think we sell those.
Customer, picking up item: I’m looking for this.
Employee: Oh, we don’t sell those.
Customer: You… don’t… sell these?
Employee: No.
Customer: You’re sure?
Employee: Yeah, we definitely don’t sell those.
Customer: You don’t sell these? This thing that I picked up off your rack with a price tag on it?
Employee: No. Circuit City might carry them, though.
Best Buy
Astoria, New York
Employee #1: Yeah, so PETA has helped me understand the cruelty animals are subjected to by humans.
Employee #2: I’ve seen some of the videos. Heinous.
Employee #1: Like that shirt you’re wearing, it’s made of cotton, right? You shouldn’t be wearing it.
Employee #2: Huh? Why not?
Employee #1: It really hurts the sheep when they are shorn.
Bed Bath & Beyond
Cape Cod, Massachusetts
Overheard by: Debauched Angel
Maintenance tech #1: Animal Control is on the way to remove the dead skunk carcass. I’ll let you know when they get here.
Maintenance tech #2: Uh, go ahead and call them back and tell them not to come. We checked it out and it’s a used banana peel.
Maintenance tech #1: Ten-four.
6400 Legacy Drive
Plano, Texas
Overheard by: Shaking Head
Employee #1: So how do we go about naming our aircraft?
Employee #2: Well, the Reserve has a plane named The Spirit of Ronald Reagan.
Employee #1: Who is that named after?
Boss: It’s named after the airport, I think.
The Pentagon
Arlington, Virginia
Project manager: Because of their dependencies, these two projects should be run in parallel.
CEO: Yeah, we need to paralyze them. Good idea, Ted*!
Chicago, Illinois
Overheard by: Lila
Receptionist: Thank you for calling Widgets Inc.* How may I help you?
Customer: I got a letter from my insurance company telling me to fill out a paper with my social security number on it and send it to you. Who are you?
Receptionist: We work with the government to help you with your appeal.
Customer: Oh. So you won’t be selling my social security number to anybody in Nigeria?
Receptionist: No, sir, not today.
50 Square Drive
Rochester, New York
Overheard by: We’ll sell it tomorrow
Customer: They’re three for $0.99.
Cashier: We don’t sell them at that price. They’re $0.33 each.
Big Lots Store #1906, 498 South Boulder Highway
Henderson, Nevada
Overheard by: Lee Hall
Client: Why do I have financial charges? It was a plan for "same as cash" for eighteen months.
CSR: Well, sir, we sent you eighteen months of statements telling you that if you don’t pay by the due date, you’ll have financial charges to pay and exactly how much they would be.
Client: You expected me to read my mail?
Citibank
Toronto, Canada
Overheard by: Citi Slicker
Mother: What are you going to have?
Daughter: Chicken nuggets and a Dr Pepper.
Mother: I’m not getting you a Dr Pepper. It’s not good for you.
Daughter: Fine. I’ll have a Coke.
Mother: That’s better.
McDonald’s
Tennessee
