Female co-worker on phone: I know his grandmother died yesterday and his other grandmother has a week to live, but is that really an excuse to get out of a wedding with me this weekend? Am I being selfish here?
Clifton, New Jersey
Overheard by: Grandma's Boy
Corporate suit: Hi, is my attorney here?
Young receptionist: No, sir, she's on maternity leave.
Corporate suit: Maternity leave? Did she have a baby?
Young receptionist: Yes, sir, she did.
Young receptionist to paralegal: Doesn't “maternity leave” mean you have a baby?
Law Office
Kansas City, Missouri
Professor: Yeah, my daughter’s having a slumber party tonight. She invited eight girls, but one of them can’t come because she’s a Jew.
Grad student: Oh…
Professor: I mean, because there’s a Jewish holiday this weekend she has to observe.
Grad student: Oh, okay. Not because you don’t allow them in your home…
Chapel Hill, North Carolina
Mother being questioned: I don't understand why I'm here. I don't know what I did wrong.
Detective: I'm not saying it's right or wrong. But sometimes you just gotta clean your kid.
Police Station
Los Angeles, California
Senior administrator: Speaking of birth control, how is your daughter?
Professor: Knocked up.
Cambridge, Massachusetts
Girl #1: Well, her parents did give birth to her.
Girl #2: Which parent?!
Girl #1: … Her mum.
England
Overheard by: Rachel Wills
Girl: My dad said I can't get a boob job because of the economy. I told him if I got a boob job, I'd have a better chance of getting hired and making money.
Costa Mesa, California
Office girl on cell: Come on, Mom, you know how I feel about socks!
621 East 9th Street
Des Moines, Iowa
Admin to sales: I mean, what if I want to be cremated and my family doesn't want my head sold?
Jacksonville, Florida
