We Prefer Weaponry to Punctuation

Boss on phone with tech support: Wait… What is a colon? (pause) The dot and the squiggle line or the dot and the dot? (pause) Hello? Are you listening to me? (pause) No, I'm not stupid, I'm German.

Ocala, Florida

Overheard by: Mystique

Posted on December 22, 2009
Dumb Bosses, Florida, General Idiocy, Language barrier, On the phone, Questions, Tech People, Words

This Is a Proud Day for Trannies Everywhere

Boss: Then Megan* and Elizabeth* can review it.
Lisa: Don't you mean Courtney*?
Boss: Oops! Excuse me. You're right.
Lisa: I know; We Americans all sound alike.
Boss: No, not really. I do the same thing with my kids.
Lisa: Are they all the same gender?
Boss: Not at all. I've got three of them–one of each.
Lisa: Okay. One's male and one's female. What's the third one?
Boss: (silence)

Redwood City, California

Posted on September 11, 2008
Bosses and Underlings, California, Dumb Bosses, Language barrier, Names, Sexuality

Once This Transcript Came to Light, a Jury Acquitted Her of Poisoning His Coffee

Douche boss: Hey *Jennifer, what are you working on?
Overworked secretary: An expense report for John, why?
Douche boss: Oh man, you have to do John’s expense reports too?
Overworked secretary: Yes, you asked me to start doing them last month.
Douche boss: Oh, yeah, right. I didn’t want to mention this but, you haven’t done my time sheet yet today.
Overworked secretary: Oh, I’m sorry, I’ll do it right after this.
Douche boss: Uhh, is there any way we can get it done a little sooner?
Overworked secretary: Sure, I’ll do it now, then.
Douche boss: Thanks, I just don’t want to have to stay as late as you do tonight.

9th Street
Washington, DC

Posted on May 6, 2008
Compare and contrast, Dumb Bosses, Employees, General Idiocy, Offers and requests, Questions, Time Management, Washington DC

And When I Call Her, She Answers Only to Say, “I’m Not Here– Leave a Message”

VP: I can’t understand some people. I emailed *Karen with a specific question and she just replied, “I am currently out of the office and will return in one week”. Why didn’t she answer my question?

Beachwood, Ohio

Posted on April 22, 2008
Default, Dumb Bosses, Executives, Office Politics, Ohio, Questions, Travel

If You’ll Come to Work As Little Bo Peep, Yes

Finance director: Is Halloween on the 28th this year?

E 9th & Lyon Street
Des Moines, Iowa

Overheard by: Receptionist

Posted on March 21, 2008
Default, Dumb Bosses, General Idiocy, Holidays, Iowa, Questions, Time Management

Still Doesn’t Explain Your Tutu, Earl

Manager: If man were meant to wear pants, then dogs would wear pants, too.

Kane Hall, University of Washington
Seattle, Washington

Posted on February 27, 2008
Animals, Clothes, Default, Dumb Bosses, General Idiocy, Washington

If You Die, I’m Docking Your Pay

Manager: Oh, oh! Are you coughing?
Gagging cube rat: No… I’m… Choking…
Manager, walking on: Oh, good, I thought you were getting sick, too.

4th Street
Louisville, Kentucky

Posted on February 21, 2008
Default, Dumb Bosses, Employees, General Idiocy, Health & Hygiene, Kentucky, Questions

Aw, Just Kidding! It’s for the Homecoming Dance! Go Rams!

Director: I’d like to announce that Albert*, our intern for the summer, is leaving to go back to school. His last day will be Friday. We are going to miss you here! [Team claps.]Intern: Um, actually, I’ve decided not to go back to school. I’m moving to Israel.
Manager: Why are you moving to Israel? It’s not exactly a safe place to be right now.
Intern: I feel that I need to go and support my people.
Manager: But you’re not Jewish. You’re Russian.
Intern: Yes, I am Russian, and I am also Jewish. That’s what this yarmulke is for [points to head.]

11th Street and Nicollet Mall
Minneapolis, Minnesota

Overheard by: i can’t believe i work here