Boss: Thank god for Emily Five!
Coworker: What?
Boss: Thank god for Emily Five!
Coworker: Huh?
Boss: You know — the whole London terror plot thing.
Coworker: You mean, ‘MI5’?
Boss: Whatever… Thank god they were there to make sure we’re safe.
1400 16th Street
NW Washington, DC
Overheard by: Neena
Boss to tardy employee: I’m going to write you up with a verbal warning.
Employee: … Wait. What?
Boss: Don’t be smart.
Burnet Road
Austin, Texas
Hick coworker #1: There was nuthin’ wrong with slavery. My family had slaves. They was like family.
Hick coworker #2: I know, I agree. My family’s slaves didn’t leave after emaciation because they were happy. We treated them like family.
Athens, Georgia
Overheard by: Happy I moved to a blue state
Boss: I don’t see it as a big thing, I see it as a thing.
Woodbury, Minnesota
Overheard by: I can’t believe I report to this guy
Boss: So you’re Muslim, right?
New employee: Yup.
Boss: So you’re from the country of Islam?
New employee: No. Not quite.
Houston, Texas
Overheard by: feel sorry for her…
Manager #1: So did you have a nice birthday party?
Manager #2: Not yet. My older brother’s birthday is two weeks after mine, so we always just have one big party that weekend.
Manager #1: Oh, wait, wouldn’t that make you the older brother?
Panera, 3043 Glendale Avenue
Toledo, Ohio
Employee #1: So how do we go about naming our aircraft?
Employee #2: Well, the Reserve has a plane named The Spirit of Ronald Reagan.
Employee #1: Who is that named after?
Boss: It’s named after the airport, I think.
The Pentagon
Arlington, Virginia
CEO: I read a study that said that 50% of Canadians disapprove of Americans.
Employee: Yeah, I guess they just don’t agree with many of the US’s recent actions.
CEO: No, it’s because they’re jealous of Americans.
Employee: Err, that’s perhaps a somewhat US-centric view…
CEO: I’ve been to Canada. I’ve seen it firsthand. They are very jealous of us.
Employee: Actually, now that you mention it, I’m surprised it was only 50%.
Frederick, Maryland
Overheard by: poj
Executive: Is it okay if I take the intern with me to the meeting tomorrow?
Assistant: Sure.
Executive: Are you the person I ask about that?
Assistant: No.
Los Angeles, California
Overheard by: Not the person either
Boss: Call England and find out what time it is.
Assistant: Call who in England? England is 5 hours ahead of us, so it’s 4:17 there.
Boss: Can you please listen to what I have to say and just call England? I need to be sure.
Assistant, two minutes later: I called England, and it’s 4:19.
Boss: See, it pays to double check. You were 2 minutes off.
1345 Avenue of the Americas
New York, New York
