Guy #1: I would do anything for a million dollars.
Guy #2: What about eat your arm?
Guy #1: I would eat any body part. It would grow back.
Girl: No! It won’t!
Guy #1: It might.
Girl: Great! I’ll go down to the missions downtown and tell the Vietnam veterans that they’re going to be walking soon.
Wyoming, Michigan
Designer: You make it sound like I’m a used car.
Copywriter: I didn’t mean to. Nice dashboard, by the way.
Wausau, Wisconsin
Supervisor to peon: Do you know how to get rid of tracked changes on a document?
Peon: Yes, do you want to accept the changes, or reject them?
Supervisor: No, I want them gone.
Peon: Yes, but do you want them to be incorporated into the document, or do you want to reject them.
Supervisor: They can’t be there! I have to send this document out! No tracked changes!
Ottawa, Ontario
Canadia
Overheard by: Allison
(employee #1 coughs)
Employee #2: Beth*, are you okay?
(employee #1 coughs)
Employee #3: Ma, are you okay?
Employee #1: I’m fine.
Employee #3: Ma, what are you choking on?
Employee #1: My own spit.
Clearwater, Florida
Overheard by: file queen
Very white supervisor: Are we keeping it gangster in here?
Annoying cubicle inhabitant: Oh yeah. We keep it real gangster.
Morris Plains, New Jersey
Overheard by: the intern in the next cubicle
(Tom* is juggling plastic Easter eggs).
Chris: Dude, you have to make up a clown name for yourself.
Tom: How about (pause) Naughty T?
Chris: Dude! Nobody is going to hire you for parties if your name is Naughty T!
Tom: I can be an adult clown. You know, half naked.
Vandam Street
New York City, New York
Overheard by: Soapnana
Suit on cell in bathroom stall: I’m in the crapper, takin’ a dump and I was thinking about you, so I thought I’d call.
Jersey City, New Jersey
Overheard by: Hobo Whisperer
Secretary: I have to wear this scarf over my shirt because the shirt is made for women with cleavage. But since I don’t have any, I wear the scarf. All my cleavage is in my butt!
Wenatchee, Washington
School administrator on phone: Hello. Has my cat peed yet? Great!
Elite Prep School
California
