…And Kindly Zip Up Your Pants.

VP, introducing new hire at annual opening community meeting: And Tina* here really likes big equipment! (faculty & staff laugh) Well, she used to work for Caterpillar.
President: Sit down, Neal*.

Greensboro, North Carolina

Posted on February 25, 2015
Body Parts, Executives, North Carolina, Sexuality, Words

In Reality It’s Less Fun Than It Sounds

Project manager, looking at chart of Harvey Balls: You have to play with your balls.

Hotel Room
Bethesda, Maryland

Posted on February 25, 2015
Advice, Body Parts, Default, Employees, Maryland, Sexuality, Weirdness

Only Women’s Toilets, Though

Coworker #1: So you ate the cookies?
Coworker #2: Yeah, they had only been in the toilet for a second! Five second rule!
Coworker #1: That’s still disgusting.
Coworker #2: Well, hey, at least I didn’t lick my dirty foot.
Coworker #1: That was once! You’ve eaten cookies out of the toilet loads of times!

Atlanta, Georgia

Overheard by: Melissa

Posted on February 25, 2015
Body Parts, Comebacks, Compare and contrast, Coworkers, Default, Georgia, Meals and Snacks, Questions, Time Management

Not the Erotic Candy Store, Like Last Year

HR woman at benefits meeting: If you fill out this online survey you will receive a $50 gift card.
Woman employee: So what's the gift card good for?
HR woman: It's good for… Dicks…
(another woman employee starts laughing out loud)
HR woman: I meant “Dick's Sporting Goods.”

Cincinnati, Ohio

Overheard by: Guy in the crowd

Posted on February 24, 2015
Body Parts, Employees, Human Resources, Money, Ohio, Questions

I'd Punch You If I Had Any Arms!

Receptionist: Some people have no arms because their mothers were booze hounds.

Columbus, Ohio

Overheard by: Proud of my mom for giving me all of my limbs

Posted on February 22, 2015
Body Parts, Drinking, Family, General Idiocy, Health & Hygiene, Ohio, Receptionists

We Know, Kevin

Supervisor signing box, dreamily: Ah! I love packages…

Chino, California

Overheard by: Emu Whisperer

Posted on February 21, 2015
Body Parts, Bosses, California, Feelings

By “She” Do You Mean Your Moms?

Girl, about overhead projection image: Any way you can make that bigger?
Whole class: That's what she said!

University
Toronto
Canadia

Overheard by: like, for real?

Posted on February 21, 2015
Body Parts, Canadia, Compare and contrast, Offers and requests, Sexuality, Students, The Classroom

My Eggs Must Be Done

Woman in bathroom stall, quietly to herself: My crotch smells like bacon!

Toronto
Ontario
Canadia

Posted on February 21, 2015
Body Parts, Canadia, Compare and contrast, Employees, Meals and Snacks, Restroom, Sensory Experiences

Ralph Wiggum Had His Difficulties in the Corporate World

Intern, freaking out: Will somebody please help me? My pen fell down my pant leg and I can't find it!

Birmingham, Alabama

Posted on February 20, 2015
Alabama, Body Parts, Clothes, Interns & Temps, Offers and requests, Weirdness

Kristin Scott Thomas: Really, I'm Good, Thanks

Girl to friend: Why don't we just give her one of my mom's old boob implants? She had a mastectomy and never had it fixed, so she just puts a sock in there, and has a drawer full of implant boobs we could use.

Amherst, Massachusetts