Customer #1: Does the brownie pie have nuts on it?
Waitress: No.
Customer #2: Why do you want to know if it has nuts on it?
Customer #1: Because I don’t like nuts on my dessert.
Waitress: Do you like nuts on your chin?
Parkland Plaza
Cayce, South Carolina
Overheard by: Trying not to choke
Girl #1: My boyfriend is in the pen.
Girl #2: For how long?
Girl #1: He’s been there for three years.
Girl #2: Wow! You’ve been faithful to him for three years?
Girl #1: My heart has been…
2720 Villa Prom
Oklahoma City, Oklahoma
Overheard by: FrancesDanger
Customer: Can you draw something on the cake for me?
Employee: Sure, what do you want on it?
Customer: A dick.
Employee: I can do you one better. We’ve got these chocolate-covered bananas, and chocolate-covered cookie dough balls. I can put an edible, chocolate-covered dick and balls on your cake.
Customer: Fucking awesome!
Manager, walking in: Uh, what are you doing?
Employee: Making a dick cake.
Manager: Woo! Makin’ a dick cake!
Ben & Jerry’s, East Village
New York, New York
Overheard by: Sam
Deputy: There was a wreck this weekend where a guy hit a tree at 60 miles per hour. Ripped off the right side of his head. You could actually see inside his skull. We never could find his brain, though.
Project manager: Did it kill him?
IT dude: Nope, he is walking around, managing projects.
US Highway 69/75
Oklahoma
Overheard by: Firewall
Warehouse worker: You look nice today. You going somewhere after this?
Girl in dress: No, I just wanted to air out my vagina.
Emeryville, California
Overheard by: warehouse peon
Female worker about to take a walk: You sure you don’t want to go with me?
Male worker: No.
Female worker: I’ll go topless.
515 North State Street
Chicago, Illinois
Overheard by: Glad I’m not leaving my cube for another hour
Female: My nipples are boring.
Male: Does our insurance cover that?
5760 Highway 80
Pearl, Mississippi
Overheard by: Brain Dancing
Coworker on the phone: I’ve been doing the balls and it’s been working.
6412 Maple
Westminster, California
Paralegal: I hate looking at his face. Ruins my whole day.
Secretary: I know. I want to throw my shoe at him or something.
Paralegal: Ok, but can you make sure I’m there to see it?
overheard by: their boss
100 F Street
Washington, DC
Boss: Chinese women have no asses. They dream of having a big round ass. Like a black ass. You see that? That is a big black ass.
9925 Jefferson Boulevard
Culver City, California
Overheard by: Roland Kellar
