Body Parts

Customer: I need the cold and flu meds that I have to be logged into a data base for.
Pharmacist: Well, can you tell me your symptoms?
Customer: Well, I'm sore and my head… it's like my whole head is just like… like someone sat on my face… but not in a good way.
(pharmacist gives deadpan face and goes to get meds)
Customer: You know, like a big fat person sat on my face… head. Do you take debit?

Mandeville, Louisiana

Overheard by: ShiftSuper2theSTARS

Data manager to minion: Body parts aren’t nearly as uncomfortable as homicide.

New York City, New York

Overheard by: AureateCalyx

Boss: What's up?
Underling: Trying to dig deep, man. Make something happen.
Boss: I do that every morning around 10… Make something big happen.

Philadelphia, Pennsylvania

Overheard by: Could you be anymore Michael Scott?

Director: I feel so bad for Sarah!
Intern: Who?
Director: Sarah, from [xyz] Corp! She got fired!
Intern: Oh, that's terrible.
Director: I feel so bad! And she only has one arm!

New York City, New York

Guy #1: Have you ever thought about a vagina being like an “inverted” penis?
Guy #2: No.
Guy #1, continuing anyways: That way, if you were to “hit bottom” on a girl, that would mean that your penis was technically “bigger” than hers.
Guy #2: I want to kill myself for having been involved in this conversation.

Joplin, Missouri

Your Editors Were Shock-G-ed to See How Long Ago That Was

Business analyst on phone: Hey, what do you need? The name of the user guide? It's the digital one… No, the digital guide. You know, like Digital Underground, only without Tupac… No, biggie wasn't in Digital Underground… Humpty Hump was… No, the guy with the gold nose… Okay, it's “h”… “u”… “m”…

Chantilly, Virginia

Overheard by: CubeRat

Coworker, smelling vegetarian lunch: Eww! It stinks in here! Is that my burp or Scott's balls?

Fall River, Massachusetts

Manager: You know, breast augmentation is becoming a much more popular as a graduation gift.

715 Locust Street
Des Moines, Iowa

Marketing manager: Do you want some vegan nuts?
Operations wonk (after long pause): I don't think you should ever say that to me again.

Rockville, Maryland

Overheard by: Septimus

Admin: You know that guy upstairs? Dan*? He pinched me with a pair of tweezers on that fatty bit you get on your hips and it *really hurt*. So I went back and burned him with a spoon.

Crewe
England