Wishes

Hasn't Claire Had Enough for One Day?

Coworker #1: It won't mount. It's been three minutes.
Coworker #2: Three minutes… that ain't right. Want me to see if I can mount it faster?
Coworker #1: Yeah, have a go.
Coworker #2: I'm straight in.

Beverly, Massachusetts

20-something woman to 50-something coworker: If you didn't want to be so old, you shouldn't have been born so long ago.

Melbourne
Australia

Designer, walking into boss' office: Hi.
Boss: Hi.
Designer: Hi.
Manager: Hi.
Designer to CEO: Hi.
(CEO laughs)
Designer: What's so funny?
CEO: I was enjoying the “hi”s. I wanna know what comes after the “hi”s.
Boss: The lows.

Culver City, California

Customer in line buying a pop: $5 for a pop? Are you serious?
Cashier, deadpan: I wish I was joking.
Customer: Fine, give me a Coke. (walks away) I feel like I've just been raped!

Molson Amphitheatre
Toronto
Canadia

Coworker #1 to husband who dropped off lunch: What is on your shirt?
Husband: I spilled Coke.
Coworker #1: Do you want me to suck it?

St. George, Utah

Overheard by: Charlie

Male suit #1: So, how's living at Gwen* going?
Male suit #2: You know, I love my sister. But I can't wait to have my own place again. I need to be king of my roast.

Ridgewood, New Jersey

Slacker dude boarding flight, to friend: I don't want to sit next to anyone I don't know.

MacArthur Airport
Islip, New York

Overheard by: Welcome to public transportation

Man leaving pay station to woman next in line: Have a nice day!
Woman next in line: Well, I have cancer, so I don't know how nice it will be.
Man leaving pay station: Well, you don't want any more of that!

Houston, Texas

Naive intern: Soo… Bob* from IT asked me if I wanted to go see Blue Man Group with him last week, and so I casually said I had plans with my boyfriend, to let him know I was spoken for, you know?
Office bitch: I'm sorry, I don't see the problem.
Naive intern: Well, ever since then he won't leave me alone and keeps asking me to hang out. Until I mentioned I had a boyfriend he wouldn't even talk to me!
Office bitch: Have you considered the possibility that maybe he just wants to be your friend?
Average worker: Woah! Look who got a soul for Christmas!

Woburn, Massachusetts

Overheard by: i got coal….

Sales VP to shipping clerk: This is a very important sales proposal for UPS to consider. I want it in their hands first thing tomorrow morning, so be sure to FedEx it right away.
Shipping clerk: Okaaaaay…

Baltimore, Maryland