Cube dweller: Yeah, she was having a lot of trouble with the Russians — they just seemed to get too aggressive.
Chula Vista, California
Overheard by: Amy F.
Cube dweller: Yeah, she was having a lot of trouble with the Russians — they just seemed to get too aggressive.
Chula Vista, California
Overheard by: Amy F.
Sales guy: How can you sit like that? It’s disgusting.
Information specialist: I have weak ankles. I’m sorry I disgust you.
Sales guy: You don’t disgust me, just the way you sit. Besides, you’re always making fun of my women.
Information specialist: Say, do you have one of those auto-lifts in your bedroom?
Sales guy: I see what you’re saying. Because I like big women.
Information specialist: I mean, in case you get pinned or something.
Sales guy: Funny thing is, I know how to maneuver one of those, from a previous job.
Information specialist: I’ll take that as a yes.
Washington DC
Judge: Son, there is a reason most murders take place between 10 pm and 4 am. If you do not want to *get* murdered, do not find yourself out at those times.
Detroit, Michigan
CEO, to no one in particular: So we're talking to this fucking prick up in Alaska, and I keep hearing this whistling. So I say “hey man, what the fuck is that noise? Turns out it's his fucking parrot, so I tell him to kill the fucker. Who has parrots?
Portland, Oregon
Line cook #1: Man, I had a friend that just got fired after being at her job for 20 years. That’s messed up.
Line cook #2: That’s terrible. What happened?
Line cook #1: She put bleach in her coworker’s coffee. She said it was just a practical joke, and they fired her for that, after 20 years.
Line cook #2: She did what?!
Line cook #1: She said it was a practical joke.
Line cook #2: Man, if I wanted to kill someone you’d know it. I’d just stab you.
4550 Scott Avenue
St. Louis, Missouri
Overheard by: Never eating there again
Employee on phone: Yeah, I’m leaving early today…Because if I don’t, I’ll kill someone. No, I mean it, someone will literally die at my hands, so I figure I’m helping out the company by leaving early.
900 Commonwealth Avenue
Boston, Massachusetts
Male coworker, messing with SIRIUS Radio: How does everyone feel about dance music? Yes? No?
Female coworker: No.
Male coworker: I like it, it makes me feel like I'm clubbing. Except that I don't go clubbing anymore. I'm worried about getting stabbed.
Female coworker: Uh…
Male coworker: I can't help it.
Female coworker: I guess you do have a pretty stabbable face…
Chicago, Illinois
White guy #1: I got fired because I am a white male!
White guy #2: I might be going out on a limb here, but could the fact that you got drunk and threw a Japanese lantern into the front door of the hotel have anything to do with it?
White guy #1: No…it's because I am white!
Irving, Texas
Grunt: The mothers, the kids, everyone — cut ’em up and shred ’em!
506 Jersey Avenue
New Brunswick, New Jersey
Overheard by: in the slurbs
Beauty shop owner: I need to know what day you'll be in to clean the floors, and you'd better stick to it or I'll kill you.
Floor cleaner guy: I've got to die sometime… It might as well as be by your hands.
Conroe, Texas
