Cube dweller #1: Man, my daughter got the worst ear infection last night and wouldn't stop screaming.
Cube dweller #2: Wow, that's horrible, what did you do?
Cube dweller #1: My wife wanted me to take her to the emergency room but I said, “are you crazy? I just smoked three bowls and am buzzing hard!”
Cube dweller #3: Someone please make him stop.
West Palm Beach, Florida
Older man: So, are you hungover?
Younger woman: No. Why? Do I look hungover?
Older man: No. I just wanted to start a conversation, and I don’t know what else to talk to you young people about.
501 Second Street
San Francisco, California
Worker bee to another: … So she said it was fine that she’s smoking a pack a day while she’s pregnant. She doesn’t mind if the baby comes out a little small.
Another worker, from across the room: I’ve been smoking since I was 16, and my baby still isn’t born!
Chesterfield, Missouri
Overheard by: my mom smoked with me too…
Office grunt: Now, just so you understand — I’m no stranger to drugs.
Winchester, Virginia
Overheard by: where’s the good stuff
Deputy: That guy told the judge that the crack they found up his ass wasn’t his.
Police station
Indianapolis, Indiana
Overheard by: more information than anyone needed
Lady: What’s his new obsession with cocaine? Is that, like, his new drug of choice or something? ‘Cause I’m telling you, I’m about ready to have this baby just to spite him.
1548 Lee Avenue
Cleveland, Ohio
Overheard by: Fin
Drunk chick: Hey, bartender! Did anyone ever tell you you look like Luke from Gilmore Girls?
Bartender: No. What’s Gilmore Girls?
Drunk chick: It’s a show on TV. You should look it up. [To guy standing next to her] Hey, you look like this guy in this porn I have!
Dickson Street
Fayetteville, Arkansas
Overheard by: laughing into my beer
Guy to friend: Just because I love mescaline doesn't mean I don't have standards!
Fort Worth, Texas
Co-Worker: Fonts are like my heroin.
820 West Superior Avenue
Cleveland, Ohio
Bookseller: I cleaned up all the damn puppets. All of them! Then, watched as a father allowed his children to throw all of them on the floor, play for an hour, then leave them. He grinned at me, said ‘Kids, right?’, then left. It took all I had not to tear that grin off his face, and shove it so far up his fucking ass that I could then reattach it backwards…Wow, four hours really is too long to go without a cigarette!
Cashier: That was the best image I’ve had all day. Go smoke so that I can savor it alone.
430 W Vine Street
Lexington, Kentucky
Overheard by: Laughing coworker
