I've Gotten to the Point Where I'll Swallow Anything.

Old lady #1: She's on the pill.
Old lady #2: I can eat anything since I'm on the pill.
Old lady #1: Nan's on the pill too.
Nan: I'm on a lot of pills.

Delran, New Jersey

Overheard by: Bruce Banner

Posted on September 29, 2015
Friends, Health & Hygiene, New Jersey, Substance Use & Abuse

Because If So, Yes

Office drone #1: Have you ever been to Chinatown for dim sum?
Office drone #2: Is that a drug?

Chicago, Illinois

Posted on August 9, 2015
Coworkers, General Idiocy, Geography & History, Illinois, Language barrier, Meals and Snacks, Substance Use & Abuse, Words

Why Generation Y Already Out-Earns Generation X

Assistant: You ever do something repeatedly–so much, that you’re like, “Whoa, this isn’t real. I’m not doing this!”?
Intern: Umm…
Assistant: Like, when you’re staring at your face in the mirror for so long that you’re like, “Whoa! That’s not my face! This isn’t real!” Hasn’t that ever happened to you?
Intern: No. That’s usually when I stop drinking.

900 2nd Street NE
Washington, DC

Posted on August 9, 2015
Comebacks, Interns & Temps, Questions, Receptionists, Substance Use & Abuse, Time Management, Washington DC

And I’ve Got a Runny Coke-Sniffer

Intern to friend: My dancing-on-the-bar muscles hurt!

Elevator
New York

Posted on August 7, 2015
Interns & Temps, New York, Substance Use & Abuse

Does She Like Breathing Phone Calls and Threatening Letters?

Co-Worker #1: Do you know who I’m talking about?
Co-Worker #2: Wait, is she attractive?
Co-Worker #1: I guess.
Co-Worker #2: Blonde? Short?
Co-Worker #1: Yah, that’s her.
Co-Worker #2: She’s married.
Co-Worker #1: Yah. Does she smoke weed?
Co-Worker #2: I don’t think so. But she should. That or a Xanax.

150 South Wacker
Chicago, Illinois

Posted on August 6, 2015
Coworkers, Gossip, Illinois, Physical Appearance, Relationships, Substance Use & Abuse

Why Jack Daniels Exists.

CSM, on holiday preparations: My family makes me want to smuggle drugs in my ass.

Hailey, Idaho

Posted on August 5, 2015
Body Parts, Customer Service, Customer Support, Family, Holidays, Idaho, Sensory Experiences, Substance Use & Abuse, Weirdness, Wishes

On the Plus Side, the Office Smells Like Mom's Chicken Soup

IT guy on phone: Yeah, we had to let Sam* go this weekend. (pause) Yeah, the server's fixed. (pause) Uh, it's sort of weird. (pause) Yeah, well… He was on call rotation and got called in. He was high. (pause) He brought ten packs of pasta noodles with him, and jammed each noodle into the mail server intake fan. (pause) Something like that. He said the sound the noodles made against the Delta fans was the sound of the Microsoft demons being cast from the server. (pause) He managed to fill the server case with noodle shrapnel, which made the system overheat. (pause) How would I know if he successfully cast the demons from the server? (pause) No, it's still booting server 2008, if that's what you mean.

Winnipeg
Canadia