Cube rat #1: Oh! (inhales deeply) I love that smell! Do you smell it?
Cube rat #2: No. What smell?
Cube rat #1: Skunk! I love the smell of skunk!
Cube rat #2: It is the middle of winter…there aren't any skunks this time of year.
Cube rat #1: You know, you're right. Hmmmm, I wonder…
Cube rat #2: I just farted.
Cube rat #1: Are you kidding me? You mean I have been standing here enjoying your fart?
Cube rat #2: Um… (pause) Yeah, guess so!
Fairbanks, Alaska
Woman #1: What are you doing for New Year's?
Woman #2: I don't have any plans yet, what about you?
Woman #1: Probably just sit at home and drink some wine.
Woman #2: Yeah, I did that last year, and I accidentally got completely bombed in front of my son, so I'm not doing that again.
Manhattan, New York
Director to underling: So you're trying to tell me that you work in this industry and you don't have an alcohol or substance-abuse problem!?
Broadway
New York City, New York
Overheard by: Garrett
Technician: Enter the password the Linksys tech gave you.
Customer: He told me to enter whatever I wanted for the password.
Technician: You don't just make up your own passwords. I don't know what that tech was smoking!
Kingston
Canadia
Office worker: I ran 16 miles last night.
Rep: You ran 16 miles… I ran for 12 minutes. Does that count?
Office worker: I am training for a marathon. I came home at 10 pm last night and my knees were all bloody.
Rep: Oh, did you fall?
Office worker: Yeah, twice.
Rep: And you kept on running?
Office worker: Yeah.
Rep: The only thing coming out of my veins is booze!
Buffalo, New York
Old lady #1: She's on the pill.
Old lady #2: I can eat anything since I'm on the pill.
Old lady #1: Nan's on the pill too.
Nan: I'm on a lot of pills.
Delran, New Jersey
Overheard by: Bruce Banner
Office drone #1: Have you ever been to Chinatown for dim sum?
Office drone #2: Is that a drug?
Chicago, Illinois
Assistant: You ever do something repeatedly–so much, that you’re like, “Whoa, this isn’t real. I’m not doing this!”?
Intern: Umm…
Assistant: Like, when you’re staring at your face in the mirror for so long that you’re like, “Whoa! That’s not my face! This isn’t real!” Hasn’t that ever happened to you?
Intern: No. That’s usually when I stop drinking.
900 2nd Street NE
Washington, DC
Intern to friend: My dancing-on-the-bar muscles hurt!
Elevator
New York
Co-Worker #1: Do you know who I’m talking about?
Co-Worker #2: Wait, is she attractive?
Co-Worker #1: I guess.
Co-Worker #2: Blonde? Short?
Co-Worker #1: Yah, that’s her.
Co-Worker #2: She’s married.
Co-Worker #1: Yah. Does she smoke weed?
Co-Worker #2: I don’t think so. But she should. That or a Xanax.
150 South Wacker
Chicago, Illinois
