Older boss: Healthcare needs competition to remain good. Just look at Lasik and boob jobs! Because those are paid for privately, they are affordable and high quality.
20-something underling: How would you know about the quality of boob jobs?
Augusta, Georgia
Overheard by: Will
Owner: All I can do about it is bitch, so I'll bitch. Is that okay with you?
Clerk: We haven't found a way to stop you yet, so yeah, I guess so.
Indianapolis, Indiana
Overheard by: BFS
Boss in hallway (with hand on doorknob): Are you joining me in this conference room?
Peon: That's the closet.
Cleveland, Ohio
Overheard by: just another peon
Cool office guy: So do you do a lot of skiing?
Typical office worker: Oh, yeah.
Cool office guy: Yeah, you look like the type.
Typical office worker: Huh… Thanks?
Cool office guy: Oh, yeah. It's cool. I love skiers and snowboarders.
Salt Lake City, Utah
Overheard by: Tim
Guy in stall #1: Hey, what’s up? Yeah, okay. You still wanna do that today?
Massive eruption occurs from next stall.
Guy in stall #2: Huh? Oh, that… I’m taking a shit right now…
Livermore, California
Overheard by: Stephen
Woman in cubicle to peon: Did you see me do the donkey face?
Malden, Massachusetts
Overheard by: Better than a punch
Account Manager: Hey, do you feel like a monkey in the middle of an idiot sandwich?
Process Analyst: That would make you one of the idiots. Are you calling yourself an idiot?
Account Manager: Oh…huh?
5 minutes later.
Process Analyst: Hey, do you feel like an idiot in a monkey sandwich?
Account Manager: Ha! Now you are the idiot!
Process Analyst: No…that still makes you the idiot.
520 Guthridge Court
Norcross, Georgia
Peon to fellow cube-mates: What would happen if no one ever reached their target, but they just kept placing it further and further away for the sake of “striving for excellence”? (pause) Sounds like you're setting up your people for failure. You ever watch Ninja Warrior? That show is the bomb. They have crazy, semi-impossible obstacle courses, and if a contestant passes all four stages, they win. The point is, no one is supposed to win! The obstacles get harder and harder to keep people from succeeding, not to hope and pray that they win… You are all honorary ninja warriors.
Baton Rouge, Louisiana
Overheard by: Rio
Boss to notoriously unreliable person: Jane, are you writing this down?
Jane: Yes, I am writing this down… in my mind.
Seward, Nebraska
