Flight attendant #1: I used to get high before studying for tests. Did you ever try it?
Flight attendant #2: No, no, I never did that.
Flight attendant #1: It really works… Hey, did you study the new rules for flights shorter than two hours? Lots of information.
Flight attendant #2: Are you high right now?
Flight attendant #1: … Why do you ask?
United flight
Nebraska
Overheard by: Ken
Worker #1: Wow, that’s a large bush, Pat*.
Worker #2: Yeah…
Worker #1: I mean, it’s nice! Do you think it’s large?
Worker #2: A little, but I like it.
1700 Montgomery Street
San Francisco, California
Overheard by: stephanie
Boss on phone with client: So, what’s been going on? In a new company? You spreading your legs and taking it all in?
Boston, Massachusetts
Overheard by: only female in the office
Senior manager: Hi, honey, how was your day?
Kid on speakerphone: If you were here, you’d know.
42nd Street and Madison Avenue
New York, New York
Pledge drive volunteer: Would you like to pledge to fight hunger and homelessness?
College guy: No thanks, man.
Pledge drive volunteer: How about pledging to make higher education more affordable?
College guy: Dude, homeless people don’t even go to college…
470 West 7th Street
Bloomington, Indiana
Overheard by: pledging
Toddler: What are you doing?
Mom: I’m changing your diaper.
Toddler: Now what are you doing?
Mom: I’m wiping you.
Toddler: Where’s my penis?
Mom: It’s right there.
Toddler: Where’s Daddy?
Stop & Shop
New Paltz, New York
Coworker #1: Hey, would anyone like one of my canned Vienna sausages?
Coworker #2: Can you suck the jelly off of it first?
Coast Guard Headquarters
Washington, DC
Cop: What’s your name?
Gangbanger: Huh?
Cop: Huh?
Gangbanger: Huh?
Cop: Huh?
Gangbanger: Huh?
Cop: Huh?
Gangbanger: Derrick Johnson*.
Cop: Where do you live?
Gangbanger: Huh?
Cop: Huh?
5200 W Madison Street
Chicago, Illinois
Office worker #1: Hey, here’s a great trip — 10 days in Italy and the Holy Land. Where’s the Holy Land?
Office worker #2: Use your head. Where do you think the Holy Land is?
Office worker #1: Venice?
155 Federal Street
Boston, Massachusetts
Overheard by: One Who Knows
Cashier: … And do you have your Hudson’s Bay credit card with you today?
Gangster #1: My what?
Cashier: HBC credit card. It’s gold.
Gangster #1: Oh, yeah, man. I think so. Uhhh… Is this it?
Cashier: No, that’s your MasterCard. I’m looking for the HBC card, if you have it.
Gangster #1: Oh, yeah, man, HBC! They always be sendin’ me bills in the mail and shit, you know, and I don’t even know why!
Gangster #2: Dude, that’s HSBC. That’s the bank.
Gangster #1: Oh.
Gangster #2: You don’t even know the difference, do you?
Gangster #1: Not really. So, like, one has an S and one doesn’t have an S, right? Is that it?
Gangster #2: No, it’s completely different.
Gangster #1: Well, so what, man? I still gotta pay the bills whether it has an S or whether it don’t have an S, right?
Zellers Lansdowne Mall
Richmond, British Columbia
Canadia
