Customer, trying to use his debit card: I gotta push “English”? “Spanish” shouldn’t be an option. If they can’t speak no English, they ain’t got no business being here. Where’s the “yes” button at?
Cashier: It’s the button that says “yes” on it.
Food Lion
Roanoke, Virginia
Older man checking in at resort: Do I sign where it says “signature”?
Hilton Head Island, South Carolina
CSR: So you’d like to rent a 12 foot stepladder?
Customer: Yes…How big is that?
CSR: Well, it’s about 12 feet, sir.
Customer: I can strap that on top of a cab, right?
533 Canal Street
New York, NY
Boss: I need you to work your superpowers for me.
Stunned office monkey: In the office?!
Argentia Road
Mississauga
Canadia
Overheard by: My superpower is top secret
Office girl #1: What’s wrong?
Office girl #2, gagging: I was miming committing suicide by glue stick, and I accidentally inhaled.
N Michigan Avenue
Chicago, Illinois
Overheard by: The Temp
Event planner: Don't you think we should have background music?
Manager: That would be too expensive.
Event planner: What about just one person playing a harp?
Manager: Do you know someone?
Event planner: Yeah. I know a harpoonist.
St. Louis, Missouri
Overheard by: Tim
Co-worker #1: How was your lunch?
Co-worker #2: It was okay. We had an old Greek waitress. I didn’t care for her too much.
Co-worker #1: Was it the fact that she was old or Greek?
Co-worker #2: It was a combination. Greeks are a weird people.
444 Park Avenue South
New York, NY
Guy #1: She was hurt pretty bad in a car wreck a few years ago. She told me she hurt her knee, her back, and her brain.
Guy #2: Wait… So you have been pursuing a girl that has brain damage?
Guy #1: Hey, her vagina works.
571 South Floyd Street
Louisville, Kentucky
Customer rep: Hey, it’s 112 inches tall. Is that legal?
Truck rep: No.
Customer rep: Well, we’re doing it anyway.
1368 Old Fannin Road, Suite 400
Flowood, Mississippi
Overheard by: the Intern
New hire looking at spreadsheet: So, the blue fields are–
Supervisor, interrupting: –Blue? That’s not blue, it’s cyan. Are you colorblind?
430 Park Avenue
New York, New York
Overheard by: Roy G. Biv
