If I’d Known It Would Just Be a Slobbering, I’d Have Done It Myself

Architect: Did you see the dog?
Intern: Yeah, he slobbered on my pant leg.
Architect: I sent you because I didn’t want to get bit.

Square Lake Road
Bloomfield Hills, Michigan

Overheard by: Eero Plain

Posted on May 2, 2015
Animals, Body Parts, Consultants, Gripes, Interns & Temps, Michigan, Places

Oh, See, That One Was Way Too Detailed

Employee on phone: And how do you know her? And… how… do… you… know… her?… AND… HOW… what do you mean, “Ask less detailed questions”?

Toronto, Ontario, Canada

Overheard by: prefekt

Posted on April 29, 2015
Canadia, Employees, General Idiocy, On the phone, Places, Questions

And As Stenographers

Publisher rep: This guy did a study on blind men who use prostitutes.
Book buyer: Ok.
Publisher rep, whispering: For sex.

308 Westwood Plaza
Los Angeles, California

Posted on April 15, 2015
California, Customers, Dumb Employees, Places, Publishing, Sales, Sensory Experiences, Sexuality

My Taste Buds Are Resurrected

Excited graduate assistant: Cadbury cream eggs are like the Jesus of Easter!
Faculty passerby: Wait, what?

Ohio State University
Columbus, Ohio

Posted on March 31, 2015
Compare and contrast, Coworkers, Education, Employees, Holidays, Meals and Snacks, Places, Questions, Religion, Students

Well, Some of the Time, Anyway

Office manager: We kinda have a policy we sorta have to follow.

5757 Wilshire Boulevard
Los Angeles, California

Posted on March 30, 2015
Bosses, California, Philosophy, Places

Close… It’s Actually Global LUKEwarming

Professor: You will have those students that don’t show up to class or office hours, or that don’t care about their grades. What causes this?
TA: Global warming?

University of Texas
Austin, Texas

Overheard by: underpaid TA

Posted on February 22, 2015
Dumb Employees, General Idiocy, Places, Questions, Teachers, Texas

She Doesn’t Like Doing Either, She Just Likes Talking About Them

Nerd #1: All Brittney* talks about is food and sex.
Nerd #2: Yeah, what do you think she likes doing more: talking about eating while having sex, or talking about fucking while having lunch?

333 Pfingsten Road
Northbrook, Illinois

Overheard by: deltar

Posted on February 21, 2015
Dorks, Geeks, & Nerds, Gripes, Illinois, Meals and Snacks, Places, Questions, Sexuality

The Tweedle Boys Go to College

Teacher: All right, then, so what are some of the languages that influenced the English language?
Student #1: Canadian!
Student #2: You’re dumb. This is Brit Lit… so obviously, British influenced the English language.

4771 Campus Drive
Irvine, California

Posted on February 15, 2015
California, General Idiocy, Language barrier, Places, Students, Teachers

Just Pretend I Am A Voter, Tell ME You Are, Then Ignore MY Wishes

Clerk: Okay, you have 12:45 and 1:45 subcommittees, AG is at 1:00, and Natural Resources is at 2: 00. I’m going to leave everything here on my desk and go do some work in the back office.
Senator: Do you even think I’m listening to you?
Clerk: No, not really.

State Capitol
Des Moines, Iowa

Posted on February 2, 2015
Bosses and Underlings, Comebacks, Government, Iowa, Meetings, Places, Politics, Sensory Experiences, Smart Bosses, Smart Employees

She Stole a Kid from a Gay Couple? That Is Low

Intern: Candace’s* mom is sixty-five! And she’s had seven kids from, like, eight different guys.

1325 East-West Highway
Silver Spring, Maryland

Overheard by: mathwizrd

Posted on January 17, 2015
Family, General Idiocy, Interns & Temps, Maryland, Places, Time Management

Places