Girl #1: I feel like I'm pregnant.
Girl #2: Maybe you are.
Girl #1: But, it was anal sex.
Girl #2: But I think it could still pass through.
Girl #1: “Pass through?”
Girl #2: Yeah, I think sometimes it can.
Girl #1: Oh god.
Girl #2: I think I've heard it could. You'd better go get checked out.
Girl #1: Oh, god!
Girl #2: You're even looking kind of…bigger.
Illinois
Manager to another: I'm more comfortable with the Shakespearean heroines than the ducklings.
San Francisco
Office peon #1: Last night I had a dream about being attacked by a donkey.
Office peon #2: Oh, I know what your mean: zebras are my Freddy Krueger.
Office peon #1: I know, right? Because they don't even sound like regular fucking horses.
Office peon #2: And they're camouflaged like lightning!
Denver, Colorado
Overheard by: Best Nature Documentary EVER!
Intern #1: Sorry, I can't go out tonight. I have to get a tattoo.
Intern #2: Oh, what are you getting?
Intern #1: This proverb: “time wasted can never be reclaimed.”
Intern #2: That's deep.
Intern #1: Yeah, it was between that and a lollipop on my hand. But I did a Twitter poll and they voted on the proverb.
Manhattan, New York
Overheard by: Hanly
Customer to pharmacy tech: I don't want you. I want the guy with goatee. Where's the guy with goatee?
Pharmacy tech: Nobody here has gold teeth.
Los angeles, California
Overheard by: Don't have either one
VP #1, during meeting: Yeah, she had the shingles.
VP #2: Okay, moving on…
VP #1: All over her back!
Glen Allen, Virginia
Overheard by: Shingle(less) White Female
Female patient: I just noticed your ID badge. That’s a great picture of you.
Paramedic: Oh, yeah, thank you. You should see my driver’s license photo. I wore a priest’s outfit for that one.
6500 Excelsior Boulevard
St. Louis Park, Minnesota
Overheard by: Rod Backer
14-year-old girl to another: I bet you would get drop-kicked in the head if you tried to put eyeliner on a dog.
Lansing, Michigan
Product Manager #1: It’s Spring Break.
Product Manager #2: How come we don’t get Spring Break?
Intern #1: Because you’re no longer young.
Intern #2: Or pretty.
777 4th Street
Los Angeles, California
Secretary: I’m going to Target at lunch. You need anything?
V.P.: Underwear! I always need underwear!
Secretary: Um…I’m not really comfortable with that.
1501 Woodfield Road
Schaumburg, Illinois
Overheard by: Pirate Wench
