Tonight's Movie: Dirty, Unsexy Money

Drunk girl: How am I going to get home? I don't have enough money! Oh, except for the thousands of dollars falling out of my ass.

Chicago, Illinois

Posted on August 20, 2008
Bimbettes, Body Parts, Default, Money, Questions

Next Time Use the “Dying Fetus” Sound Effect

Assistant on phone: Hello, Lucy Smith*'s office. (pause) No, she's not available, she's out having an abortion. (pause) Sure, I'll give her the message. Have a good day. (hangs up)
Lucy (angry): What?! Who was that?!
Assistant: Some pro-life group asking for donations.
Lucy: Oh, okay, good work.

Lexington Avenue
New York City, New York

Posted on August 4, 2008
Comebacks, Compliments, Default, Health & Hygiene, Money, New York, On the phone, Weirdness

Let Me Be Blunt About That

Manager (after finding a flyer advertising “weed for sale” on his windshield): At first I was pissed, because they came to my home and put it on my car. But then I was like: “Really? There’s no way I’m paying that much for an eighth!”

Texas

Posted on July 24, 2008
Anger management, Default, Employees, Money, Substance Use & Abuse, Texas

And This Time I Won’t Do It Out of Cruelty

Guy #1: I would do anything for a million dollars.
Guy #2: What about eat your arm?
Guy #1: I would eat any body part. It would grow back.
Girl: No! It won’t!
Guy #1: It might.
Girl: Great! I’ll go down to the missions downtown and tell the Vietnam veterans that they’re going to be walking soon.

Wyoming, Michigan

Posted on July 23, 2008
Body Parts, Coworkers, Default, Meals and Snacks, Michigan, Money, Offers and requests, Questions, Weirdness

It’s Just That It Has the Periodic Table on It…

Grad student to undergrad: So I think we’ll probably end up selling our plane tickets, since we kind of need the money.
Professor nearby: Damn it!
Grad student: Um, should I, not sell the tickets, then?
Professor: Oh, oh no, sorry. It’s just that I don’t think I should wear my bathing suit to work anymore.

North Charles Street
Baltimore, Maryland

Overheard by: LabCat

Posted on July 18, 2008
Clothes, Default, Maryland, Money, Students, Teachers, Travel

At Least You Skipped the “Analyst” Part of My Title

Admin: Here’s your new door tag.
Advisor: “Stud serv prog coord”? That’s my new title?
Admin: Well, it’s abbreviated.
Advisor: Can we make the text smaller so it’s not abbreviated?
Admin: Why? You don’t want to be a stud service?
Advisor: I’m afraid they wouldn’t get their money’s worth.

Lake Road
Merced, California

Overheard by: sooo true.