Admin slave: The chicken on my desk is full of money!
Medical Office
Jacksonville, Florida
Legally blind patient: Ow! Owww, owwww! Hey, you can't do this to me! Where's the doctor?
Man in white coat: I am the doctor.
Hospital
Manhattan, New York
HR director: You guys aren't what I expected. I expected something less professional. I didn't expect suits.
Sales guy: Well, we expected you to be fat and ugly.
Hospital
Kansas City, Kansas
Secretary #1: I'm going to Atlanta this weekend.
Secretary #2: Cool! The city or the island?
New York Presbyterian Hospital
Manhattan, New York
Overheard by: Vespertine
Office manager, on decrease of patient numbers: Well, doc, I know you're going down on your patients but… wait, that wasn't the right way to say that.
Houston, Texas
Overheard by: Jill
Receptionist: There was so much sausage cooking I felt like I was taking a sausage bath.
Eye Doctor's Office
Manhattan, New York
Guy: You need to get one of them “faux pas” things, they won't even consider you if you don't have one. You need to go to the web site and turn them in a “faux pas.”
Girl: Do you mean a “resume”?
Medical Center
Ann Arbor, Michigan
Overheard by: Annie Mosity
Urologist: Can we do a time-out, please?
Nurse: Mr. Henderson* is here for a cystoscopy. You've seen this patient before.
Urologist: I've never heard of him. (uncovers the field) Hmmmm. I don't remember the patient's name, but I have seen this penis before.
Hospital, Virginia
Overheard by: CJ Wiretap
Receptionist: I have Ms Jones* on the phone, she still has pain and wants to know if you will refill her Endocet prescription.
Doctor: No. She can have Vicodin.
Receptionist: She's allergic to Vicodin.
Doctor: Then she has to go to the hospital.
Receptionist (after speaking on telephone again): She asks if these are her only options: take medication she's allergic to or go to the hospital?
Doctor: Tell her I'm not here.
Kinnelon, New Jersey
Overheard by: Veronica at http://everythingisused.blogspot.com/
Nurse: Do you smoke?
Older man: No.
Nurse: Have you ever smoked?
Older man: Yes.
Nurse: And how many cigarettes a day did you smoke?
Older man: Uh, three. No, five. A pack.
Nurse: And when did you quit?
Older man: Uh, yesterday.
Nurse: You're still smoking, aren't you?
Older man: Yes.
Hospital
Harlem, New York
Overheard by: Natalie
