Insults

This Time Just Be a Bit More Emphatic with the “Ttthhhhbbtt”

CSR on quality control recording of recent call: Hello, this is Brian*, how can I help you?
Caller: Kathy.
CSR: Sorry, what?
Caller: I want Kathy. Now.
CSR: Okay. Well, she's probably not available right now. Can I help you?
Caller: Fuck you. I don't want to talk to you. I only want to talk to Kathy. You talk like an asshole.
CSR: Sir, assholes talk like this: “tttthhhhhhbbbbbttttttttttt”. I've done no such thing. I'll have to ask you to call back when you're feeling more appropriate.
Quality control monitor: Good. Next call.

Financial District
Toronto
Canadia

Overheard by: Alan

I'm Thinking About Deleting Him

Woman #1, hanging up after talking to boyfriend: What a dummy. He said that the internet isn't working at home because he deleted the modem or something, I wasn't really listening. God, boys are so stupid.
Woman #2: Seriously.

Loveland, Colorado

Isn’t Your Girlfriend Miss Potato Head?

Man: So, I told my girlfriend that if I fuck a midget it is not considered cheating.
Coworker: What? Yes, it is!
Man: No, it isn’t. They aren’t real people.

Presque Isle, Maine

Overheard by: wtf kind of place is this?

In Unrelated News, Our CEO Just Got a $100 Million Golden Parachute

Division manager, addressing 200-member division: As part of the new policy, employees will not be allowed to carry over vacation days to next year.
District manager: Could I use days I have left in the first week of January?
Voice from speakerphone: That's next year, asshole!
(stunned silence)

Morristown, New Jersey

Overheard by: Jack Satan

Then How Come It Got Me More Time on My SATs?

Boss on phone: That is not clinical! Being an asshole is not a clinical condition.

Ginko Industrial Park
Warminster, Pennsylvania

Do You Want to Be in Another Country Song? Do You?

Co-worker #1: Who was that boy? He was cute!
Co-worker #2: It won’t work. He’s a preacher and you’re a whore.

Main Street
Gainsville, Florida

Southern Charm, Encapsulated

Worker on phone: Yes, ma’am, we’ll get you what you need right away… Well, thank you, Linda*. We enjoy your business. You’re one of my favorite customers. Without you our company would suffer a tremendous loss. Okay… Thank you. [Hangs up.] Bitch.

7501 NE Loop 820
Texas

Overheard by: lmao

Raise Your Hand If Your Physical Therapy Was Like This

Older lady: Get your filthy hand off me, you son of a whore!
Guy: You comin' back this afternoon?
Older lady: Yeah, I guess. You want me to?
Guy: Yeah, sure.
Older lady: Okay, then. See you later.

Catawba, Virginia

A Low Blow

Swedish employee: You’re responsible for all the wars in the world.
Jewish employee: Well, you’re responsible for… Abba.

Diehl Road
Naperville, Illinois

Overheard by: not getting sent to HR

And Yet, Here You Are

Coworker #1: Man, if I found out my kid was retarded before it was born, I’d get it aborted. It’s not like it’s going to contribute to society.
Coworker #2: Except to give jobs to teachers who want to teach retarded kids.
Coworker #1: Yeah, and if my kid was going to be physically retarded but his brain was going to be fine, I’d give him up for adoption. That way I can have a normal one — but I didn’t kill him in case he’s like Stephen Hawking.

Atlanta, Georgia

Overheard by: Prochoice to a new level

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