Worker on phone: Yes, ma’am, we’ll get you what you need right away… Well, thank you, Linda*. We enjoy your business. You’re one of my favorite customers. Without you our company would suffer a tremendous loss. Okay… Thank you. [Hangs up.] Bitch.
7501 NE Loop 820
Texas
Overheard by: lmao
Older lady: Get your filthy hand off me, you son of a whore!
Guy: You comin' back this afternoon?
Older lady: Yeah, I guess. You want me to?
Guy: Yeah, sure.
Older lady: Okay, then. See you later.
Catawba, Virginia
Swedish employee: You’re responsible for all the wars in the world.
Jewish employee: Well, you’re responsible for… Abba.
Diehl Road
Naperville, Illinois
Overheard by: not getting sent to HR
Coworker #1: Man, if I found out my kid was retarded before it was born, I’d get it aborted. It’s not like it’s going to contribute to society.
Coworker #2: Except to give jobs to teachers who want to teach retarded kids.
Coworker #1: Yeah, and if my kid was going to be physically retarded but his brain was going to be fine, I’d give him up for adoption. That way I can have a normal one — but I didn’t kill him in case he’s like Stephen Hawking.
Atlanta, Georgia
Overheard by: Prochoice to a new level
Bartender: I was sitting at the bar having a beer before work, and an old lady came up and gave me the nicest compliment.
Manager: Oh, yeah? What did she say?
Bartender: She told me that I was a very pretty girl and I should get up off the barstool and quit being a slut all my life.
Manager: So, she really called you a slut.
Bartender: Well… I guess she did.
405 N Interurban Avenue
Richardson, Texas
Beer store employee: Can I help you to your car with that?
Middle-aged customer: I’m a woman. I gave birth. I can carry a case of beer.
Verona, Pennsylvania
U-Haul guy #1: Okay! Pickup on the right…dropoffs on the left.
U-Haul guy #2: Yeah…Pickups on the left, dropoffs on the right.
U-Haul guy #1: What? No! You’re fucking it up, dickhead!
3270 Broadway
New York, NY
Janitor: See, you’re making assumptions. That’s no good. You know what happens when you assume, doncha?
Lawyer: …
Janitor: Yeah, that’s right; you make an ass outta yourself.
15 Somerset Street
Boston, Massachusetts
Paralegal to secretary: He just gave me the finger!
Secretary: What?
Lawyer: I did it creatively.
Secretary: I'm pretty sure that makes you the worst boss ever.
Lawyer: But she was annoying me!
Tall Building
Small City, Indiana
Overheard by: Does someone need a time out?
Manager: New haircolor, huh? Did you fall into a bucket of paint?
Employee: New belt, huh? Did you fall into a buffet?
5760 Highway 80 East
Pearl, Mississippi
Overheard by: Brain Dancing
