HR person, filling out paperwork for new employee: I need to know the name of the bank to direct deposit your check to.
New employee, dumbfounded: Um, shoot, I can’t remember it. Oh, it’s the one connected to the liquor store!
Hanson Avenue
Albert Lea, Minnesota
New supervisor: I'm not sure how to code one of my employees. She's been out for over a week with a medical condition.
HR assistant: You should talk to Dave*. He's the STD expert.
New supervisor: It's not that kind of a condition…
HR assistant: I meant “Short Term Disability.”
Santa Fe, New Mexico
Overheard by: Jeannie
Managing director: Did you meet Daron* yesterday?
HR recruiter: Daron?
Managing director: I introduced him to you yesterday.
HR recruiter: Who?
Managing director: I did.
HR recruiter: No, you didn’t.
Managing director: … Maybe I’m going crazy. You know — Daron, with the dreads.
HR recruiter: With what?
Managing director: Dreads. You know — dreadlocks.
HR recruiter: Oh, I hate those.
Managing director: What? Dreadlocks have been around since the Bible.
HR recruiter: What?
Managing director: Since Samson and Delilah. Samson had dreads.
HR recruiter: Who did?
Managing director: Samson!
HR recruiter: You mean Daron?
Managing director: Who?
6105 Oakleaf Avenue
Baltimore, Maryland
Overheard by: Ren
Office director to peon: Look what she's taking!
HR rep: I've decided to take your pink fly swatter!
Peon: Yay! Are you taking it home or to your new office?
HR rep: I think… home.
Old manager: What are you going to do with that ugly thing?
HR rep, grinning: Nothing work-related, I assure you!
New manager on first day: Wow. Huh!
Baton Rouge, Louisiana
Overheard by: Peon
HR person: Here’s your office. There are some shelves on order and they should be in next week, so you’ll have to do with the desk and credenza.
New employee: But I thought I was getting a cubicle.
1701 1st Avenue
Rock Island, Illinois
Overheard by: Holly Sparkman
Woman to HR director: Can I get workers compensation for pulling my twat muscle?
HR director: What’s a twat muscle?
Dallas, Texas
HR girl #1: Did you hear? Mike* is dating a 17 year old. In high school!
HR girl #2: How old is he?
HR girl #3: 24! That's not right. I used to have respect for him because he works with cancer patients, but I don't anymore.
Manhattan, New York
Overheard by: Daniel
Conductor: Tickets, please… Or in lieu of tickets, breakfast sandwiches will be accepted.
Chicago-bound commuter train
Overheard by: Pirate Alice
HR woman at benefits meeting: If you fill out this online survey you will receive a $50 gift card.
Woman employee: So what's the gift card good for?
HR woman: It's good for… Dicks…
(another woman employee starts laughing out loud)
HR woman: I meant “Dick's Sporting Goods.”
Cincinnati, Ohio
Overheard by: Guy in the crowd
HR clerk to room full of tech guys: Hey guys, the men's restroom is going to be closed for a while. The plumber is here.
Senior tech guy: Okay. Our loads are secure.
Pearl, Mississippi
Overheard by: Brain Dancing
