Boss: Why hasn’t the mail come in yet?
HR: We have a new postal carrier and she hasn’t come in yet.
Boss: Is she nice looking?
HR: Well, she’s inconsistent. Sometimes she delivers at 2:30, sometimes it’s 1:00.
Boss: What has that got to do with how she looks?
HR: It doesn’t. Welcome to HR.
81 Apsley Street
Hudson, Massachusetts
New hire: How many people work here?
HR clerk: About half of them.
5760 Highway 80
Pearl, Mississippi
Overheard by: Brain Dancing
Case worker: Deb*, where can I find the new intake forms?
Deb*: You know, I've always wondered about that.
Bethlehem, Pennsylvania
HR rep #1, in HR team meeting: We're having a compliance visit tomorrow. Harry is bringing some HQ reports we don't have access to.
HR rep #2, loudly: Oh, fabulous. That's like someone going through your underwear drawer (begins to fade) and pulling out the granny panties (almost inaudible) with all the stuff… (trails off, then loudly) What?
Fontana, California
Male employee, angry about benefits: So my live-in girlfriend is not a domestic partner but Steve's* boyfriend is?
HR generalist: Yes, that's right. Domestic partners are same sex partners, that is the policy.
Male employee: So if my girlfriend became my boyfriend I could put her on my insurance?
HR generalist: Yes, if she grows a penis and discovers a deep abiding love for Cher, she can be on your insurance.
Male employee: Really?
HR generalist: (sighs)
Skokie, Illinois
Clueless HR rep: These are all in order, I'm a little anal when it comes to sorting…
Perky HR rep: Thanks. (pause) Yay! I love anal!
Overland Park, Kansas
HR, whispering: These are your nuts, but I am going to eat them…
Marlborough, Massachusetts
HR guy: Say your name again. (pause) Beerpong? Oooh, Bierpont! Riiight… spell that?
Manhattan, New York
Overheard by: The New Guy
HR clerk, reading weather report: It will be dry today.
Receptionist: Not if I think about the new guy.
Pearl, Mississippi
Overheard by: Brain Dancing
Female HR, about absent coworker: I hope she's just an asshole and not dead.
Marlborough, Massachusetts
Overheard by: Justa Temp
