Human Resources

HR rep: We'll go around the room, and I'd like you to introduce yourself and give tell us something about you.
Supervisor: Hello, my name is John, and I rule this lab with an iron fist.

Montreal
Canadia

Female account manager: Kevin*, maybe you know this. I've been asking everyone and no one wants to tell me. What is a “pearl necklace?”
Kevin* (gay HR director): Oh, boy. Shut the door, please.

Manhattan, New York

Overheard by: Juan Chung

Obnoxious HR employee: I'm going to pick this up because it looks like poop.

Eugene, Oregon

HR rep: I thought we killed the dinosaurs!

Toronto
Canadia

HR head: So, when's the, uh…I guess, “drop-dead date” for your baby?
Hugely pregnant admin: Uh…what? You mean the latest date before my doctor induces?
HR head: Yeah. The drop-dead date.
Hugely pregnant admin: Wow.

Phoenix, Arizona

HR person: My kids in my home are never too old to be spanked. My daughter’s fourteen, and I’ll beat her ass. Then I’ll tell her, ‘It’s not over. Wait ’til I call your father and he beats your ass.’

1190 North Del Rio Place
Ontario, California

Recruiter selling a prospective employee on the company: We don’t consider them “departments” so much as “teams”, because the…uh, flow…rolls…from one to the other…

Eisenhower Parkway
Ann Arbor, Michigan

Overheard by: …and I thought that ‘rolled downhill’…

Human resources drone: I mean, we have some wine here but as the human resource person, I can't advocate for us drinking it while at work. I mean, we are a work-free environment.

Seattle, Washington

IT assisting in HR: Yeah, I just got back from CES. They had the adult entertainment convention on the floor above. [name of pornstar] walked by and I told her she looked shorter in person than on film.
Employee, laughing: I can't believe this conversation is happening in HR.

Sonora, California

Overheard by: Breezy

HR guy: So, I told him, “I am sorry that this incident ruined your Christmas.” And he told me “you are not sorry!” So I tell him “at least I'm pretending to be sorry.”

Manhattan, New York