Partner: Call Greg* and have him look over these documents.
Associate: Greg had surgery yesterday and is in the hospital. Do you want to call someone else to review them?
Partner: No, Greg can do it. It’s not like he’s dead.
Associate: Okay, I’ll call him in the morning.
Partner: No, call him now. It’s not like he has anything better to do tonight.
Law firm, 1201 Elm Street
Dallas, Texas
Overheard by: jennifer
Nurse #1: I have the worst zit right now.
Nurse #2: Seriously, I'm like a walking ad for herpes!
Hospital
Salt Lake City, Utah
Overheard by: Hoping you're only talking about that cold sore…
Middle-aged female employee: Where's the protein in that young lady?
Middle-aged manager, excited: There's lots of protein. Lots and lots!
Marlborough, Massachusetts
Receptionist: Some people have no arms because their mothers were booze hounds.
Columbus, Ohio
Overheard by: Proud of my mom for giving me all of my limbs
50-something lady on the phone: Do you want a sexual relationship or not? I thought that's what you wanted. (pause) I thought that's what you wanted! (pause) Yes, Victor, I've been taking my medicine. I've been taking my medicine on the same schedule every day!
Evansville, Indiana
Worker #1: Where's Tina*? (administrative assistant)?
Worker #2: She's out sick. She broke her leg, so we shot her.
Camden, New Jersey
Overheard by: HR Min
Boss: Anyone want a croissant? I have some leftovers!
New hire: I don't eat croissants. I did once, I was nine, and I got a really bad headache.
Advertising Agency
Richmond, Virginia
Co-worker #1: So your wife works as a nurse in the ER at that new fancy hospital?
Co-worker #2: Yep. Has been for 6 months.
Co-worker #1: Do they treat people who come in without insurance there?
Co-worker #2: Yeah, treat them like shit.
1620 Dodge Street
Omaha, Nebraska
Temp #1: I have great hearing! Remember the test we'd take in school?
Temp #2: Yeah.
Temp #1: I remember one time you heard that girl, it was on half a zero and I heard it.
Cedar Place
Valhalla, New York
Overheard by: evildead
Guy in stall to man in next stall making straining sounds: Are you okay?
Man on toilet: Yeah. (pauses, with legs stretched out) Just taking a break.
Baltimore, Maryland
Overheard by: Should not have asked
