Speech pathologist: You have the lady in room 10, right?
Behavior medicine nurse: Oh, yeah! She's crazy, ain't she?
Burlington, North Carolina
Speech pathologist: You have the lady in room 10, right?
Behavior medicine nurse: Oh, yeah! She's crazy, ain't she?
Burlington, North Carolina
Marketer: So after sitting in her funky trailer for about 2 hours
listening to her talk about God, this lady was like, “Baby…I have been reading my Bible for 53 years…and I can tell you read your Bible, too…” So, I in my best Southern voice, said, “Yes, ma’am…I
read my Bible every day. I try to live my life according to the
Word.” But, I was just bullshitting. I’m probably going to hell. I mean she is like 90 and lives in a single-wide behind her daughter who lives in a double-wide…She can’t wipe her own ass…She’s about to die…and I am lying about reading the Bible. But we had a patient pass yesterday and we need one to take his place. Gotta keep the bodies moving…gotta get that bonus. Y’know?
1441 Main Street
Columbia, South Carolina
Disheveled cashier to customer buying towels: So I said to my daughter, “No, you can't have another towel. When you come out of the shower you are clean, so you can just keep using that same towel until next month.”
Wal-Mart
Rockford, Illinois
Overheard by: Lindsey B
Emergency operator #1: Hello? Hello? (hangs up phone) Whoops!
Emergency operator #2: Uh oh, what happened?
Emergency operator #1: Oh, some lady wanting to donate adult diapers just hung up on me.
Emergency operator #2: Weird, was she mad cuz we don't take donations?
Emergency operator #1: Nah, I think it was the calling her “sir” that did it.
Red Cross Call Center
San Diego, California
Boss: Never put two cranky diabetics in the same room together. All you’ll get is ‘”fuck this,” “shit this,” and “blood sugar that!”
1200 Sovereign Row
Oklahoma City, Oklahoma
Overheard by: shaun
Boss: Don't forget to include an STD with that mailing.
Temp: STD?
Boss: “Save The Date” card.
Temp: Oh! I thought you meant “Sexually Transmitted Disease.”
Boss: What kind of magazines do you read, anyway?
Providence, Rhode Island
Girl: My mom dropped a plate and it shattered all over the floor and she cut her foot pretty bad. I was cleaning up the pieces…
Guy: Was it a paper plate?
(girl stares at him)
Omaha, Nebraska
Overheard by: And he's not even blonde…
Male manager: You weren't in another accident, were you?
Female cube dweller: No. I pooped.
Long Island, New York
Overheard by: Cube Dweller
Female coworker #1: What does buttermilk taste like?
Female coworker #2: I like buttermilk!
Female coworker #1: Does it give you the shits?
Piscataway, New Jersey
Overheard by: Tom
Woman to boss: So then my friend's brother had to “poop out” the pinworm.
Washington, DC
