Woman #1, in line to get coffee: Do you smell dog? I smell dog. Like, a wet dog or something.
Woman #2: Oh, it's probably my pants. My dog slept on them last night and I didn't have a clean pair, so I wore them.
Woman #1: Yeah. It looks like you have some dog hair on them too.
Woman #2: It will probably just brush off by the end of the day. (walks away nonchalantly with coffee in hand)
Downtown Omaha, Nebraska
Coworker #1: Will you come over and put a cold compress on my head?
Coworker #2: Sure, what do you want me to wear?
355 Park Avenue
New York, New York
Overheard by: BiPolar
Boss: It’s like birth — there’s nothing we can do but push.
Sunnyvale, California
Overheard by: Tristan O’Tierney
Coworker on phone: Didn't you hear? The pole broke and the stripper hurt herself!
Sterling, Virginia
Overheard by: Receptionist
Co-worker: Ugh…
Manager: What’s the matter?
Co-worker: Nothing, I just couldn’t see the screen.
Manager: Oh. Was everything flesh colored and blurry? That’s from putting your hand in front of your face.
1390 Timberlake Manor Parkway
St. Louis, Missouri
Overheard by: Durp
Boss: Oh good morning, would you like some coffee?
Building Manager: Oh, I don’t think so.
Boss: Oh, have some.
Building Manager: No, thanks. It’ll just make me perspire. I had a cup and a half before I left for work this morning and my makeup slid right off my face.
3040 M Street NW
Washington, DC
Overheard by: Chris
CSR #1: I don't think I can carpool with Meg* anymore.
CSR #2: Why?
CSR #1: Well, Meg* either doesn't know how to wipe her ass properly or she decides to let a ripper go right before I get in her car. Either way, it's just too much to deal with.
Manitoba
Canadia
Overheard by: Wooderson
Speech pathologist: You have the lady in room 10, right?
Behavior medicine nurse: Oh, yeah! She's crazy, ain't she?
Burlington, North Carolina
Marketer: So after sitting in her funky trailer for about 2 hours
listening to her talk about God, this lady was like, “Baby…I have been reading my Bible for 53 years…and I can tell you read your Bible, too…” So, I in my best Southern voice, said, “Yes, ma’am…I
read my Bible every day. I try to live my life according to the
Word.” But, I was just bullshitting. I’m probably going to hell. I mean she is like 90 and lives in a single-wide behind her daughter who lives in a double-wide…She can’t wipe her own ass…She’s about to die…and I am lying about reading the Bible. But we had a patient pass yesterday and we need one to take his place. Gotta keep the bodies moving…gotta get that bonus. Y’know?
1441 Main Street
Columbia, South Carolina
Disheveled cashier to customer buying towels: So I said to my daughter, “No, you can't have another towel. When you come out of the shower you are clean, so you can just keep using that same towel until next month.”
Wal-Mart
Rockford, Illinois
Overheard by: Lindsey B
