Scientist: What are the goals of this management plan?
Project manager: The goal is to come up with a plan to manage the system, but we are not authorized to actually manage anything.
Scientist: So the goal of this meeting is really an excuse for you to draw on the white board and act important?
3301 Gun Club Road
West Palm Beach, Florida
Co-worker, on phone with 9-year-old son: I’m not happy with you. I heard you were a bad boy at camp. They told me you hit one of the other kids with a golf club. You shouldn’t do that. You could hurt someone.
371 Hoes Lane
Piscataway, New Jersey
Paralegal: Good afternoon, [Law Firm name]. How may I help you?
Partner: Wow…Wow. You’ve got, like, a 1-900 phone voice. We’re gonna have to take you off the receptionist rotation. Don’t want to give our criminal clients the wrong impression.
600 East Broad Street
Richmond, Virginia
In a meeting: Providers only terminate their contracts for one of two reasons: Pay or Other.
At a bar with a friend: You know, I was diagnosed as a genius as a child and I think that is why I don’t get along with her; I don’t get along with other geniuses. That is why I think you and I are such good friends.
In response to an email: Ya know, I have tracking on this, and as usual, I am completely embarrassed.
[Bonus: found in coworker’s personal ad: Things that turn me on: Thunderstorms]522 SW 5th
Portland, Oregon
Overheard by: Breanna Freeman
HR manager: God, I hate it when you bring me that junk!
Admin: These are people’s resumes.
HR manager: Fine, shove your junk in my box.
Admin: Excuse me?
HR manager: Just leave it in my box. I’ll throw it away in the morning.
80 Grasslands Road
Elmsford, New York
Overheard by: Bored Beyond Belief
Disgruntled worker: It would be easier if people just walked around with shirts that said, ‘I steal shit.’
University of Washington
Seattle, Washington
Nerd #1: All Brittney* talks about is food and sex.
Nerd #2: Yeah, what do you think she likes doing more: talking about eating while having sex, or talking about fucking while having lunch?
333 Pfingsten Road
Northbrook, Illinois
Overheard by: deltar
Coworker #1: Can you believe the whole company needs to take an ethics exam? It’s online, but still…
Coworker #2: Yeah, it sucks. I heard that one department’s doing the whole thing on a conference call together.
Coworker #1: But there’s a test…
Coworker #2: Yeah, they’re all taking the test together. One person says the answer and everybody enters it on their screen after the first person confirms it’s right.
Midtown
New York, New York
Manager on phone to client: Yeah, that’s like someone watching me take a shower, and after two kids, no one wants to see that.
1120 NW Couch Street
Portland, Oregon
Frustrated coworker: This karma thing has got to stop!
Husargatan 3 Uppsala
Sweden
