Thug #1: Yo, man, this place is lined up!
Thug #2: Yo, this place got more lines than algebra class.
Thug #1: Man, this place prob’ly got more signs in it.
Thug #2: Fo’ sho’. It prob’ly got more cosines in it, too.
Coliseum Ottawa, 3090 Carling Avenue
Ottawa, Ontario
Canadia
Overheard by: Beth
Intern, after a lengthy conversation with a make-up artist: Oh, and by the way, I’m here to do more than have conversations about murder and rape…
Sargent Place
Los Angeles, California
Peon, slamming down phone: That client is so goddamn dumb! I swear to god, every time I talk to him, I get more and more stupider.
International Finance Centre
Hong Kong
Cube dweller: So I came in today, and my phone is blank, and my computer is disconnected from the network. And there's nobody over in it to help me.
Boss: Call the help desk.
Cube dweller: With what? My phone? It's broken.
Boss: So e-mail it!
San Carlos, California
Overheard by: The Punvert
Employee #1: You’re making a mess with the mail. Envelopes are all over the place. They’re calling me to come clean them up.
Employee #2: They’re calling you? What are they saying?
Employee #1: “Come clean me up. I’m strewn about the table.”
Employee #2: …Because evelopes have such a good vocabulary.
Employee #1: Of course they do. That’s why they don’t stay sealed. They’ve got a lot to say.
12100 I-40 East
Amarillo, Texas
Manager: How’s your mother?
Employee: She’s coming home tonight. They wanted to put her in a nursing home, but I said, ‘No way.’ Not at Christmas.
Manager: Doesn’t she need that level of care?
Employee: Not at Christmas, she doesn’t.
Rochelle Park, New Jersey
Overheard by: Cubicle Right Outside
Two maintenance guys arrive to vacuum a cubicle after part of the ceiling fell.
Maintenance guy, 40s: See, he’s what you’d call a male chauvinist pig. He thinks vacuuming is something that a woman should do. Now, I don’t look like no woman.
Maintenance guy, 20s: No, but you look like a dyke.
Maintenance guy, 40s: I look like a dyke?
Maintenance guy, 20s: Easy, Grandpa, easy!
Maintenance guy, 40s: Oh, I’m Grandpa now?
350 Madison Avenue
New York, NY
Supervisor: You just blew a perfect opportunity to lie and get back into the trust tree.
500 North Gulph Road
King of Prussia, Pennsylvania
Overheard by: Dave
Passing hallway drone: You’re so far off from being okay that I don’t even know where to begin.
304 Park Avenue South
New York, New York
Five-year-old: I’m taking a break.
Young librarian: What are you taking a break from?
Five-year-old: … The world.
2110 Library Lane
Grand Forks, North Dakota
