Mother: I think Grandma Olson has a little bit of a cirrhosis thing going on.
Little girl: Why’s that?
Mother: Because Grandma Olson drinks much, much, much more than-
Little girl: -Than grandpa?
Mother: Than anyone in the world.
120 Kellogg Boulevard
St. Paul, Minnesota
Suit: The other way I learned it, from Schoolhouse Rock, is that the alligator is hungry and so wants to bite the larger one.
Woman coworker: Ohhh… I see. That would confuse me, because it’s got animals.
919 3rd Avenue
New York, New York
Overheard by: i guess graduating elementary school just was
Coworker: You keep hearing all this stuff about cherries being good for you. They’re actually not that good for you. It’s just what the people in northern Michigan say to get you to buy their cherries!
Navy Yard
Washington, DC
Office grunt #1: I hate all these fucking meetings!
Office grunt #2: Didn’t you set this meeting up?
Office grunt #1: Yeah, but that’s not the point.
Oil company office
Houston, Texas
Overheard by: Lara
Female owner: Are we having computer trouble this morning?
Male manager: No, why?
Female owner: Because I can't get it up! I hate when I can't get it up!
Male manager: Me too, meeee toooo…
Indianapolis, Indiana
Boss: Why didn’t you have a cover letter on the copy to the client?
New employee: I didn’t know I was supposed to have one. I didn’t think to ask if I needed it.
Boss: From now on, if you don’t know the question, you should ask it.
1700 66th Street
St. Petersburg, Florida
Support Desk: I wonder why preachers are so hateful? Out of all the customers I’ve dealt with, preachers are all so mean. They’re worse than Canadians
5330 East 31st Street
Tulsa, Oklahoma
Overheard by: donrae moore
Trader: When I go to my doctor’s appointment tomorrow, my doctor is going to wonder why I have two assholes.
Trader: Lance Armstrong has more balls than I do.
Trader: Why don’t I just go to prison? Then I wouldn’t have to pay to get fucked in the ass.
50 Broad Street
New York, NY
First-grade teacher: CHARLES! Give me those! Those are NAILS! Nails are unsafe and do not belong in your hands.
Student: Pshhh, unless you’re JESUS!
New York, New York
Overheard by: i want to adopt this kid
IT guy: I feel for teachers, because it’s not like the good old days when you could take kids under the stairwell and pummel them.
Bush Lake Road
Minneapolis, Minnesota
Overheard by: just trying to finish the day
