Daughter-in-law cooing over another shopper’s baby: Awww — look at that face!
Mother-in-law: You’ll have one of your own soon.
Daughter-in-law: [Snorts] Talk to your son about that.
Mother-in-law: Well, that’s between the two of you, I think.
Daughter-in-law: You know how I am. If I don’t get what I want, I just go out and get it myself. Remember how I wanted a kitten?
Oxford Valley Mall
Langhorne, Pennsylvania
Overheard by: Fellow shopper
Woman on phone to cable company: Okay. Hey, hold on a sec. (yells into the phone) Don't go meet him, he's gonna stab you! I know he stabbed your brother, that's why I think he's gonna stab you too! (pause) Fine! if you want to get stabbed don't come crying to me. Just make sure you bring your phone so you can call 911, okay? Sorry about that…now what do I do next?
Call center rep: Uhh, I think I need to report this call.
Woman: Why?
Time Warner Call Center
Albany, New York
Overheard by: Dani
Coworker: My aunt refuses to get on a ferry. So I asked her why, and she said it's because they always sink. And I said, “When do you ever hear about ferries sinking?” and she said, “The ones coming up from Cuba! They sink all the time!”
Navy Yard
Washington, DC
COO: So my son, his sisters have started dressing him up in their clothes and their mother's high heels. I'll come home and he's clomping around in those shoes, and jewelry and a dress!
Openly gay office manager: That used to happen to me too!
Philadelphia, Pennsylvania
Office worker #1: So, what are they going to do if the baby hasn't come this week?
Office worker #2: Well, they are going to have her cervix ripened on Friday.
Office worker #3: Um, you mean she is getting induced?
Office worker #1: Uh oh, I think Jane* just threw up in the plant.
Minneapolis, Minnesota
Cube clown: My mother used to do weird stuff when I was growing up. Like, I still sleep with my foot outside the covers, and she used to crawl in on her hands and knees and grab my foot.
Dallas, Texas
Secretary: Are you gonna have a little bambino?
Slightly overweight patient: Uh, no. Just had a few too many cookies.
Secretary: Are you sure? Maybe I know something you don't.
Slightly overweight patient: I am unable to conceive.
Rochester, New York
Bank teller: I was working drive-through this morning and offered a customer a bone for her dog in the back seat.
Associate: I think it’s nice that we do that.
Bank teller: The customer said it wasn’t a dog, it was her mother.
801 West Big Beaver Road
Troy, Michigan
Coworker #1: I feel so bad for them.
Coworker #2: I know, their son is in a coma and only has 30% of his brain working. He's a vegetarian.
Philadelphia, Pennsylvania
Overheard by: Can't believe no one else heard that
Supervisor: Today is my older son's birthday. He's 12 now.
Underling: Uh-oh. He's a tween!
Supervisor: Yeah, he's feeling himself.
Philadelphia, Pennsylvania
Overheard by: hopefully not at school
