Coworker, waving arms in the air frantically: Ahhh! The kindergarteners are rioting!
Orem, Utah
Overheard by: Do what?
A man holding a child’s hand meets up with a woman holding another child’s hand.
Man and woman, simultaneously: I thought he was with you!
Man, turning to go back inside: I told you this would happen if you let them outnumber us.
Outside Bloomingdale’s, 59th Street
New York, New York
Overheard by: Kim Siddorn
Girl: Did you ever eat SpaghettiO's when you were a kid?
Guy: No, my parents loved me.
Grocery Store
Vancouver, Washington
Counter girl: Did I tell you I almost got locked up last night?
Male customer: Fo’ what?
Counter girl: I took my homegirl’s car and rode over to my baby daddy’s momma house. Po-lice got me going through a light. I was like, “Shit, man, I got weed and a rock in my joint, and my shit’s suspended, yo.”
Male customer: That’s some Cops shit, girl!
Girl: Fo’ reals…But I worked my way out with a warning, got my baby, went home, and smoked that shit.
11th Street & F Street
Washington, DC
Overheard by: suddenly not hungry
Company prom queen on regional conference call: Are we prospecting for donors who are interested in maternal morbidity?
International Nonprofit
Washington, DC
Overheard by: No, butter is not a carb.
Woman at the copier: I'm not saying she's a whore, just that she likes penis more than her kids.
Jackson, Tennessee
Woman walking by to someone across the room: And I will never confuse you for my common-law spouse.
Toronto
Canadia
Worker, rushing into boss's office: Guess what I just got the kids for Christmas! It's hand sanitizer for kids and it's called “cooter killer.”
Boss: (stares)
Worker: I mean, “cootie killer”!
Hopkinsville, Kentucky
Overheard by: will1966
